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Coventina

(28,623 posts)
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 06:18 PM Jul 19

"Alpha Males" have officially lost the plot (Warning: Puke inducing)

I'm not going to provide any links, but a simple internet search will provide the backing for this post.


So, apparently it is "gay" now to wipe after pooping.
No man should touch his own....you know!!

Women are increasingly complaining about men who leave "skid marks" on sheets after intimate encounters, and men who just, um, stink in general.

The idea is that "real men" shouldn't need toilet paper because other animals don't use it in nature.
Needing to use toilet paper shows you have an "emasculated" GI tract. (What?!?!?!)

OK, I've had pets all my life and yes, generally there isn't a big problem "down there" but even my pets needed a little help once in a while.

WTF is wrong with these guys?

This is not a masculinity issue, it's a health and hygiene issue!

I need to go lie down and try to think happy thoughts for awhile......

86 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
"Alpha Males" have officially lost the plot (Warning: Puke inducing) (Original Post) Coventina Jul 19 OP
But if women don't want to sleep with them it's because they're [insert gendered insult of your choice here.] Scrivener7 Jul 19 #1
This message was self-deleted by its author PeaceWave Jul 20 #72
Saw TV ad last night: Dude Wipes Attilatheblond Jul 19 #2
My daughter uses those. Ms. Toad Jul 19 #19
Perhaps if we had more "natural" diets, there wouldn't be as many poop stains. Intractable Jul 19 #3
I'm thinking they should smoke and drink a lot too.. Permanut Jul 19 #4
But animals do clean themselves with their own tongues. Ocelot II Jul 20 #75
Alpha males are such delicate flowers. unblock Jul 19 #5
This message was self-deleted by its author PeaceWave Jul 20 #69
I made the mistake of googling this. Ocelot II Jul 19 #6
I know, right? Coventina Jul 19 #8
I always made it a point to shave and shower and brush teeth before a date, Jack Valentino Jul 19 #41
You weren't kidding about the EWWW thing! Ars Longa Jul 20 #76
I did after reading your post Renew Deal Jul 19 #35
I wonder if they even use toilets anymore - do they just squat anywhere outside? mdbl Jul 20 #74
So "alpha males" use a bidet instead? DBoon Jul 19 #7
Unfortunately, no. Coventina Jul 19 #9
They don't use anything. Ocelot II Jul 19 #11
But aren't alot of them into anal sex? -nt CrispyQ Jul 19 #30
They are obviously very insecure about their own masculinity.... Jack Valentino Jul 19 #42
I think it's partially a problem of obesity Metaphorical Jul 19 #10
Obesity has nothing to do with it, neither does their sense of smell. Ocelot II Jul 19 #15
Not The Onion??? tulipsandroses Jul 19 #12
I wish I could un-read this. flvegan Jul 19 #13
I'm so sorry. One of women who dumped (no pun intended) her poopy boyfriend Coventina Jul 19 #16
Oh no, MuseRider Jul 19 #28
So the reason some magats can't get laid, maybe more reasons besides their Jack Valentino Jul 19 #43
Human race is doomed angrychair Jul 19 #14
It's not just American alpha males. Ocelot II Jul 19 #17
I'm guessing this demo overlaps with people who are obsessed over seed oils in their food newdeal2 Jul 19 #18
I think it definitely overlaps with some MAGA... Jack Valentino Jul 19 #44
And carnivore diets NickB79 Jul 20 #61
Yes, I think I was thinking of paleo diets or whatever it is called now. All meat newdeal2 Jul 20 #65
If someone has to tell the world he's an alpha male... Dulcinea Jul 19 #20
They don't smell like butt, they smell like SHIT! Jack Valentino Jul 19 #45
This could be good for overpopulation fujiyamasan Jul 19 #21
Well at least you can lay on your bed without worrying about unfortunate stains EdmondDantes_ Jul 19 #22
Proctophobia? GaYellowDawg Jul 19 #23
I read about this recently and was going to post about it JI7 Jul 19 #24
Oh my! UpInArms Jul 19 #52
Real men don't worry a lot about what others' definition of a man is... Wounded Bear Jul 19 #25
Prostate orgasm nocoincidences Jul 19 #26
This sounds like the left's counter to the right's nonsense Ms. Toad Jul 19 #27
Well there ya have it, I guess I'm Gay BOSSHOG Jul 19 #29
Me too, brother. I wiped today.... guess that means we should have a drink together! Jack Valentino Jul 19 #47
Hey Jack, First rounds on me BOSSHOG Jul 20 #60
What??! Haha D_Master81 Jul 19 #31
Here's a source... nocoincidences Jul 19 #32
I wish I could understand what's supposed to be masculine about this. Aristus Jul 19 #33
Could explain part of 'the Trump smell'--- he thinks he's an 'alpha male' too.... Jack Valentino Jul 19 #49
My husband JustAnotherGen Jul 19 #34
Partners should immediately end it with anyone that has very strange practices like this. Renew Deal Jul 19 #36
Not sure how it could get any worse... but I don't disagree. Jack Valentino Jul 19 #50
One step away from dragging their butts across the carpet. Xavier Breath Jul 19 #37
LOL! Ocelot II Jul 19 #38
If wiping is now "gay", well I guess I am "flaming"!!!! WTF! Obviously spoken by guys who don't Jack Valentino Jul 19 #39
This message was self-deleted by its author PeaceWave Jul 19 #40
Redd knew. LudwigPastorius Jul 19 #46
I'm glad I'm not dating MustLoveBeagles Jul 19 #48
Does this go with Tucker Carlson and men tanning their balls? Norrrm Jul 19 #51
ok, now I'm confused. 🤔 mwmisses4289 Jul 20 #77
Manly men Norrrm Jul 20 #78
Manly men 2 Norrrm Jul 20 #79
Pea brained water spigots. JanMichael Jul 19 #53
The internet was a mistake. LS0999 Jul 20 #54
So many vulnerable young boys sucking into that rabbit hole NickB79 Jul 20 #63
Sooooooo. . .that line of "dude wipes" in the TP aisle (I wish I were kidding) is gay? niyad Jul 20 #55
Someone needs to inform these experimental hygienists that many other animals clean their butts with their own tongues 0rganism Jul 20 #56
I'm a personal hygiene fanatic. If I'm at the gym and need to blow my nose, I sanitize... 3catwoman3 Jul 20 #57
This reminds me of anarcho-primitivism. David__77 Jul 20 #58
How to KNOCK down an Alpha Male? ProudMNDemocrat Jul 20 #59
Is holding my dick to take a piss gay now too? NickB79 Jul 20 #62
And I thought being a woman was confusing! mwmisses4289 Jul 20 #82
It does seem like the logical conclusion BlueSpot Jul 20 #83
Nasty little boys become nasty men and incels. MineralMan Jul 20 #64
This message was self-deleted by its author PeaceWave Jul 20 #66
Speaking as a BoGardQuantum Zeta Male, BoRaGard Jul 20 #67
Women are sleeping with men who don't wipe their ass? Iggo Jul 20 #68
No wonder they're incels. Ocelot II Jul 20 #81
I keep trying to give them the cheat code. Iggo Jul 21 #86
To be perfectly honest, taxi Jul 20 #70
I very much doubt this is a widely shared opinion. BlueTsunami2018 Jul 20 #71
This message was self-deleted by its author PeaceWave Jul 20 #73
Bears use Charmin tissue. So I'm told. oasis Jul 21 #85
I say let them make themselves unfuckable, neck beards and all. Let them become incels. . . . nt Bernardo de La Paz Jul 20 #80
One expression B.See Jul 21 #84

Scrivener7

(57,021 posts)
1. But if women don't want to sleep with them it's because they're [insert gendered insult of your choice here.]
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 06:24 PM
Jul 19

Response to Scrivener7 (Reply #1)

Attilatheblond

(7,122 posts)
2. Saw TV ad last night: Dude Wipes
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 06:24 PM
Jul 19

Evidently real men now have baby wipes to tidy themselves with.... and clog up their sewer lines. I reckon REAL men will soon learn how/why plungers work.

Ms. Toad

(37,641 posts)
19. My daughter uses those.
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 07:25 PM
Jul 19

They save her a lot of pain. (She has ulcerative colitis, and runs the gamut from diarrhea to constipation.)

Intractable

(1,273 posts)
3. Perhaps if we had more "natural" diets, there wouldn't be as many poop stains.
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 06:27 PM
Jul 19

Perhaps if those men were better toilet trained by their parents ...

Permanut

(7,525 posts)
4. I'm thinking they should smoke and drink a lot too..
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 06:28 PM
Jul 19

Hand washing and showers are out. Other animals don't brush their teeth or wear shoes, and they don't wear MAGA hats or any other kind of hat. And they don't need no stinkin' forks for eating.

I mean, if you're going to do the alpha male thing you're a poser and a fake if you just do one or two manly things.

Ocelot II

(126,939 posts)
75. But animals do clean themselves with their own tongues.
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 09:34 PM
Jul 20

So if these alpha males want to emulate their animal brethren they should be licking their nether regions with one leg behind their head, like dogs.

unblock

(55,581 posts)
5. Alpha males are such delicate flowers.
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 06:28 PM
Jul 19

What with their fragile egos and sensitive nether regions....

Response to unblock (Reply #5)

Jack Valentino

(3,166 posts)
41. I always made it a point to shave and shower and brush teeth before a date,
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 11:07 PM
Jul 19

even if I had done so that morning (which I usually had)...


"This shit" is beyond my comprehension... perhaps a good-sized hemorrhoid would help to educate them...

Renew Deal

(84,420 posts)
35. I did after reading your post
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 09:59 PM
Jul 19

It looks like this has been going on at least 5 years with some people.

mdbl

(7,261 posts)
74. I wonder if they even use toilets anymore - do they just squat anywhere outside?
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 09:29 PM
Jul 20

My dog does that. Just wondering.

Ocelot II

(126,939 posts)
11. They don't use anything.
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 06:38 PM
Jul 19

Wiping their butts or anything that involves spreading their cheeks is considered gay.

Jack Valentino

(3,166 posts)
42. They are obviously very insecure about their own masculinity....
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 11:10 PM
Jul 19

"homosexual panic" it was sometimes called at one time

Metaphorical

(2,516 posts)
10. I think it's partially a problem of obesity
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 06:38 PM
Jul 19

At some point, it just becomes difficult to reach that part of the body.

Also, I have to wonder how much of this may be a side effect of covid, which famously reduced the sense of smell, potentially permanently (we just don't know yet).

Ocelot II

(126,939 posts)
15. Obesity has nothing to do with it, neither does their sense of smell.
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 06:54 PM
Jul 19

They think touching their own buttholes makes them gay.

tulipsandroses

(7,865 posts)
12. Not The Onion???
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 06:47 PM
Jul 19

This is disgusting.
How did this become a thing?? But then again tucker told them to sun tan their balls so I guess....

flvegan

(65,240 posts)
13. I wish I could un-read this.
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 06:52 PM
Jul 19

I've got a number of these wanna-be "alpha males" at my gym, and now I'm going to question the gym equipment after they use it.

Coventina

(28,623 posts)
16. I'm so sorry. One of women who dumped (no pun intended) her poopy boyfriend
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 07:03 PM
Jul 19

Said that it was so nice to sit on the couch and not worry about it anymore.

Good grief!

MuseRider

(34,930 posts)
28. Oh no,
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 08:24 PM
Jul 19

I have read all the way down to this and reading that ....oh I don't know, made me sick and sad and laugh like crazy. I am glad my boys are men, all paired up and would NEVER even begin to host an idea like that. ooooooooo gads

Jack Valentino

(3,166 posts)
43. So the reason some magats can't get laid, maybe more reasons besides their
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 11:13 PM
Jul 19

nasty-ass politics....

angrychair

(11,077 posts)
14. Human race is doomed
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 06:54 PM
Jul 19

Doomed. American society is such a selfish, narcissistic and fragile lot.

newdeal2

(3,817 posts)
65. Yes, I think I was thinking of paleo diets or whatever it is called now. All meat
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 12:31 PM
Jul 20

Or raw milk.

Dulcinea

(9,045 posts)
20. If someone has to tell the world he's an alpha male...
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 07:29 PM
Jul 19

...he's not an alpha male. Plus, real men don't smell like butt. Gross!

EdmondDantes_

(861 posts)
22. Well at least you can lay on your bed without worrying about unfortunate stains
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 07:32 PM
Jul 19

But I have to mildly disagree with your claim that the Alpha Bros have lost the plot. What plot did those neanderthals ever have to lose?

JI7

(92,518 posts)
24. I read about this recently and was going to post about it
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 07:37 PM
Jul 19

but I was so disgusted and hoping it wasn't true.

But from what I read they think they will turn gay if they wipe their asses so they don't.

I don't remember the exact sources but I read about it while looking into the anti transgender thing and how it affected voting.

It mentioned some other things like on Fox news some guy saying it was gay for a man to say happy birthday to another man if they were not related.

UpInArms

(53,339 posts)
52. Oh my!
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 11:47 PM
Jul 19
But from what I read they think they will turn gay if they wipe their asses so they don't.


From what I know, they will stink like shit if they don’t wipe their asses.

Wounded Bear

(62,874 posts)
25. Real men don't worry a lot about what others' definition of a man is...
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 07:52 PM
Jul 19

Oh, and they practice basic hygiene.

nocoincidences

(2,419 posts)
26. Prostate orgasm
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 08:14 PM
Jul 19
If they rub that area in the right/wrong way they might get that "gay twinge", you know....

Best to avoid it altogether.

Ms. Toad

(37,641 posts)
27. This sounds like the left's counter to the right's nonsense
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 08:15 PM
Jul 19

that furries are demanding litter boxes in bathrooms.

I suspect there's as much truth in one as there is in the other.

BOSSHOG

(43,640 posts)
29. Well there ya have it, I guess I'm Gay
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 08:33 PM
Jul 19

I’m kinda Anal about cleanliness all over. We got toilet paper to last us trumps last term. It’s a pain in the ass adjusting to his time in Washington.

Jack Valentino

(3,166 posts)
47. Me too, brother. I wiped today.... guess that means we should have a drink together!
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 11:23 PM
Jul 19

Just kidding, but what the everlasting fuck....

I'm secure enough in my hetero masculinity to make gay come-on jokes to my friends,
guess these guys will never enjoy that sort of humor...

BOSSHOG

(43,640 posts)
60. Hey Jack, First rounds on me
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 10:06 AM
Jul 20

Remember the good old days when Alpha Males got drunk and threw axes at each other in a parking lot.

It’s been decades since I came across any conservative with a sense of humor.

D_Master81

(2,169 posts)
31. What??! Haha
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 09:21 PM
Jul 19

This has to be someone starting it to “Punk” these dudes. This can’t be real 😂

Aristus

(70,730 posts)
33. I wish I could understand what's supposed to be masculine about this.
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 09:31 PM
Jul 19

I’ve been a neatnik and a cleanliness enthusiast all my life. Everything stays clean. If it gets dirty, I clean it thoroughly soon after.

I’ve had some success with women. I’ve never, ever had one of them say to me “I wish you didn’t smell so good. I wish you smelled like shit. You know: masculine.”

Got to wonder about some guys…

Renew Deal

(84,420 posts)
36. Partners should immediately end it with anyone that has very strange practices like this.
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 10:01 PM
Jul 19

It always gets worse. Someone going down this type of road is obviously easily distractable and easily mislead, and a boyfriend/girlfriend should leave ASAP.

Jack Valentino

(3,166 posts)
50. Not sure how it could get any worse... but I don't disagree.
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 11:29 PM
Jul 19

Refusing to wipe your ass has to be a screaming 'Red Flag' deal-breaker
among civilized people.... !

Jack Valentino

(3,166 posts)
39. If wiping is now "gay", well I guess I am "flaming"!!!! WTF! Obviously spoken by guys who don't
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 10:57 PM
Jul 19

do their own laundry, either....


"Women are increasingly complaining about men who leave "skid marks" on sheets after intimate encounters, and men who just, um, stink in general."


I can't even--- guess they don't shower or wash their ass either? Most animals don't, unless it rains on them...


I suspect that there may be a very high correlation between "non-wipers" and Trump voters---
would love to see the numbers on that...

Response to Coventina (Original post)

Norrrm

(2,873 posts)
51. Does this go with Tucker Carlson and men tanning their balls?
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 11:41 PM
Jul 19

Or republican manly-man Nick Fuentes claiming that having sex with women is gay?

mwmisses4289

(2,080 posts)
77. ok, now I'm confused. 🤔
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 10:31 PM
Jul 20

If having sex with women is gay, but these idiots are mad because women won't have sex them, and having sex with men is gay, who are these idjits having sex with? And in their world is masturbating what manly men do, or is it only losers who do that? Maybe they want to be a monk? 🤔🤨
It's all so confusing to figure out who the manly men in this world are!

Norrrm

(2,873 posts)
78. Manly men
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 10:39 PM
Jul 20

Someone who boasted that his wife said he was the best sex she ever had.

He even got a headline out of it.

Funny thing... the current wife and his porn star mistress seem to doubt the tale.

LS0999

(249 posts)
54. The internet was a mistake.
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 12:32 AM
Jul 20

Now add that with AI programmed by fascists. Humanity is devolving to a more primitive state.

NickB79

(20,081 posts)
63. So many vulnerable young boys sucking into that rabbit hole
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 10:46 AM
Jul 20

We really need more fatherly figures like Tim Walz to demonstrate loving masculinity, not these alpha bro jackoffs like Andrew Tate. I feel really sad for the shit my teenage daughter will have to deal with when (if?) she starts dating.

0rganism

(25,299 posts)
56. Someone needs to inform these experimental hygienists that many other animals clean their butts with their own tongues
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 12:44 AM
Jul 20

Kind of odd to wonder how primates evolved away from what seems to be a pretty common habit among other land animals. I guess sociality, bipedality and opposable thumbs make other forms of cleanup more useful/effective/enjoyable.

3catwoman3

(27,611 posts)
57. I'm a personal hygiene fanatic. If I'm at the gym and need to blow my nose, I sanitize...
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 01:25 AM
Jul 20

...my hands before using a tissue so I don't inoculate my nasal membranes with whatever ight be on my fingers, and then I sanitize the again after blowing my nose so I don't deposit anything on the handles of whatever equipment I'm using. I wash my hands so many times a day I call myself Lady MacBeth.

Where/how do ridiculous ideas like this even start? I can't imagine any woman falling for this bullshit.

David__77

(24,458 posts)
58. This reminds me of anarcho-primitivism.
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 08:35 AM
Jul 20

Perhaps they will also determine that using language is inhibiting their true bestial selves.

ProudMNDemocrat

(20,173 posts)
59. How to KNOCK down an Alpha Male?
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 08:49 AM
Jul 20

Tell him..."I've seen better."

Alpha Males are nothing more than insecure little boys who were bullied by their parents into thinking that in order to be "STRONG" they have to tear down others. Just like TACO Don. The PERFECT example of what an Alpha Male should not be.

Henry Cavil on the other hand? Now there is a man! A man in a way that is not intimidating or boastful.

NickB79

(20,081 posts)
62. Is holding my dick to take a piss gay now too?
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 10:44 AM
Jul 20

After all, gay guys grab dicks, so......

Oh shit, I better pee sitting down so no one thinks I'm gay!

Wait, sitting down is how FEMALES pee! That's emasculating!

Next step: alpha bros pissing their pants and telling you it's peak masculinity.

BlueSpot

(1,176 posts)
83. It does seem like the logical conclusion
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 11:41 PM
Jul 20

This topic is blowing my mind. I had not idea people could be this stupid. A lot of stupid, sure. But this blows the doors off the barn!

MineralMan

(149,706 posts)
64. Nasty little boys become nasty men and incels.
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 10:57 AM
Jul 20

Then they get angry because women don't want to be around them. Go figure.

Response to Coventina (Original post)

BoRaGard

(7,321 posts)
67. Speaking as a BoGardQuantum Zeta Male,
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 04:35 PM
Jul 20

I have a message for the plotless: grow up. You have important responsibilities in life, and you are farting them into oblivion with your childish hate horseshit. This is America. Read the freaking Constitution. And respect it.

Ocelot II

(126,939 posts)
81. No wonder they're incels.
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 10:47 PM
Jul 20

Who wants to get horizontal with a guy who doesn't do basic bathroom hygiene? Eww.

Iggo

(49,140 posts)
86. I keep trying to give them the cheat code.
Mon Jul 21, 2025, 01:57 PM
Jul 21

All they gotta do is like women.

The rest follows.

taxi

(2,472 posts)
70. To be perfectly honest,
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 05:38 PM
Jul 20

sometimes if you are not at home and use a public restroom, you may as well use waxed paper.
Let's face it, how many times have I gone into the restroom to find some ignoramus has peed on everything, failed to flush the toilet, or left brown smears on the seat? They don't need no stinking toilet paper. As a matter of fact, if it weren't against the law a real man would just shit in one hand and wipe it on his pants. Carry on.

Response to Coventina (Original post)

B.See

(6,347 posts)
84. One expression
Mon Jul 21, 2025, 12:24 AM
Jul 21

(from city of my birth) immediately comes to mind for these crazy mfkrs:

TRIFLING.

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