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Coventina

(28,463 posts)
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 06:18 PM Saturday

"Alpha Males" have officially lost the plot (Warning: Puke inducing)

I'm not going to provide any links, but a simple internet search will provide the backing for this post.


So, apparently it is "gay" now to wipe after pooping.
No man should touch his own....you know!!

Women are increasingly complaining about men who leave "skid marks" on sheets after intimate encounters, and men who just, um, stink in general.

The idea is that "real men" shouldn't need toilet paper because other animals don't use it in nature.
Needing to use toilet paper shows you have an "emasculated" GI tract. (What?!?!?!)

OK, I've had pets all my life and yes, generally there isn't a big problem "down there" but even my pets needed a little help once in a while.

WTF is wrong with these guys?

This is not a masculinity issue, it's a health and hygiene issue!

I need to go lie down and try to think happy thoughts for awhile......

85 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
"Alpha Males" have officially lost the plot (Warning: Puke inducing) (Original Post) Coventina Saturday OP
But if women don't want to sleep with them it's because they're [insert gendered insult of your choice here.] Scrivener7 Saturday #1
If you're dating them, you've got 3 choices - Swipe right, swipe left or don't swipe at all. PeaceWave 7 hrs ago #72
Saw TV ad last night: Dude Wipes Attilatheblond Saturday #2
My daughter uses those. Ms. Toad Saturday #19
Perhaps if we had more "natural" diets, there wouldn't be as many poop stains. Intractable Saturday #3
I'm thinking they should smoke and drink a lot too.. Permanut Saturday #4
But animals do clean themselves with their own tongues. Ocelot II 4 hrs ago #75
Alpha males are such delicate flowers. unblock Saturday #5
Sneaky bastards too. They'll argue "If the shit don't fit, you must acquit." PeaceWave 8 hrs ago #69
I made the mistake of googling this. Ocelot II Saturday #6
I know, right? Coventina Saturday #8
I always made it a point to shave and shower and brush teeth before a date, Jack Valentino Saturday #41
You weren't kidding about the EWWW thing! Ars Longa 3 hrs ago #76
I did after reading your post Renew Deal Saturday #35
I wonder if they even use toilets anymore - do they just squat anywhere outside? mdbl 4 hrs ago #74
So "alpha males" use a bidet instead? DBoon Saturday #7
Unfortunately, no. Coventina Saturday #9
They don't use anything. Ocelot II Saturday #11
But aren't alot of them into anal sex? -nt CrispyQ Saturday #30
They are obviously very insecure about their own masculinity.... Jack Valentino Saturday #42
I think it's partially a problem of obesity Metaphorical Saturday #10
Obesity has nothing to do with it, neither does their sense of smell. Ocelot II Saturday #15
Not The Onion??? tulipsandroses Saturday #12
I wish I could un-read this. flvegan Saturday #13
I'm so sorry. One of women who dumped (no pun intended) her poopy boyfriend Coventina Saturday #16
Oh no, MuseRider Saturday #28
So the reason some magats can't get laid, maybe more reasons besides their Jack Valentino Saturday #43
Human race is doomed angrychair Saturday #14
It's not just American alpha males. Ocelot II Saturday #17
I'm guessing this demo overlaps with people who are obsessed over seed oils in their food newdeal2 Saturday #18
I think it definitely overlaps with some MAGA... Jack Valentino Saturday #44
And carnivore diets NickB79 15 hrs ago #61
Yes, I think I was thinking of paleo diets or whatever it is called now. All meat newdeal2 13 hrs ago #65
If someone has to tell the world he's an alpha male... Dulcinea Saturday #20
They don't smell like butt, they smell like SHIT! Jack Valentino Saturday #45
This could be good for overpopulation fujiyamasan Saturday #21
Well at least you can lay on your bed without worrying about unfortunate stains EdmondDantes_ Saturday #22
Proctophobia? GaYellowDawg Saturday #23
I read about this recently and was going to post about it JI7 Saturday #24
Oh my! UpInArms Saturday #52
Real men don't worry a lot about what others' definition of a man is... Wounded Bear Saturday #25
Prostate orgasm nocoincidences Saturday #26
This sounds like the left's counter to the right's nonsense Ms. Toad Saturday #27
Well there ya have it, I guess I'm Gay BOSSHOG Saturday #29
Me too, brother. I wiped today.... guess that means we should have a drink together! Jack Valentino Saturday #47
Hey Jack, First rounds on me BOSSHOG 15 hrs ago #60
What??! Haha D_Master81 Saturday #31
Here's a source... nocoincidences Saturday #32
I wish I could understand what's supposed to be masculine about this. Aristus Saturday #33
Could explain part of 'the Trump smell'--- he thinks he's an 'alpha male' too.... Jack Valentino Saturday #49
My husband JustAnotherGen Saturday #34
Partners should immediately end it with anyone that has very strange practices like this. Renew Deal Saturday #36
Not sure how it could get any worse... but I don't disagree. Jack Valentino Saturday #50
One step away from dragging their butts across the carpet. Xavier Breath Saturday #37
LOL! Ocelot II Saturday #38
If wiping is now "gay", well I guess I am "flaming"!!!! WTF! Obviously spoken by guys who don't Jack Valentino Saturday #39
This message was self-deleted by its author PeaceWave Saturday #40
Redd knew. LudwigPastorius Saturday #46
I'm glad I'm not dating MustLoveBeagles Saturday #48
Does this go with Tucker Carlson and men tanning their balls? Norrrm Saturday #51
ok, now I'm confused. 🤔 mwmisses4289 3 hrs ago #77
Manly men Norrrm 3 hrs ago #78
Manly men 2 Norrrm 3 hrs ago #79
Pea brained water spigots. JanMichael Saturday #53
The internet was a mistake. LS0999 Yesterday #54
So many vulnerable young boys sucking into that rabbit hole NickB79 15 hrs ago #63
Sooooooo. . .that line of "dude wipes" in the TP aisle (I wish I were kidding) is gay? niyad Yesterday #55
Someone needs to inform these experimental hygienists that many other animals clean their butts with their own tongues 0rganism Yesterday #56
I'm a personal hygiene fanatic. If I'm at the gym and need to blow my nose, I sanitize... 3catwoman3 Yesterday #57
This reminds me of anarcho-primitivism. David__77 17 hrs ago #58
How to KNOCK down an Alpha Male? ProudMNDemocrat 16 hrs ago #59
Is holding my dick to take a piss gay now too? NickB79 15 hrs ago #62
And I thought being a woman was confusing! mwmisses4289 2 hrs ago #82
It does seem like the logical conclusion BlueSpot 2 hrs ago #83
Nasty little boys become nasty men and incels. MineralMan 14 hrs ago #64
Wow. And until now I thought the only choice was up and down or circular motion. PeaceWave 9 hrs ago #66
Speaking as a BoGardQuantum Zeta Male, BoRaGard 9 hrs ago #67
Women are sleeping with men who don't wipe their ass? Iggo 8 hrs ago #68
No wonder they're incels. Ocelot II 3 hrs ago #81
To be perfectly honest, taxi 8 hrs ago #70
I very much doubt this is a widely shared opinion. BlueTsunami2018 8 hrs ago #71
This finally explains the preference for bears over men in the woods... PeaceWave 7 hrs ago #73
Bears use Charmin tissue. So I'm told. oasis 1 hr ago #85
I say let them make themselves unfuckable, neck beards and all. Let them become incels. . . . nt Bernardo de La Paz 3 hrs ago #80
One expression B.See 1 hr ago #84

Scrivener7

(56,469 posts)
1. But if women don't want to sleep with them it's because they're [insert gendered insult of your choice here.]
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 06:24 PM
Saturday

PeaceWave

(1,688 posts)
72. If you're dating them, you've got 3 choices - Swipe right, swipe left or don't swipe at all.
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 05:50 PM
7 hrs ago

Attilatheblond

(6,704 posts)
2. Saw TV ad last night: Dude Wipes
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 06:24 PM
Saturday

Evidently real men now have baby wipes to tidy themselves with.... and clog up their sewer lines. I reckon REAL men will soon learn how/why plungers work.

Ms. Toad

(37,324 posts)
19. My daughter uses those.
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 07:25 PM
Saturday

They save her a lot of pain. (She has ulcerative colitis, and runs the gamut from diarrhea to constipation.)

Intractable

(1,158 posts)
3. Perhaps if we had more "natural" diets, there wouldn't be as many poop stains.
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 06:27 PM
Saturday

Perhaps if those men were better toilet trained by their parents ...

Permanut

(7,326 posts)
4. I'm thinking they should smoke and drink a lot too..
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 06:28 PM
Saturday

Hand washing and showers are out. Other animals don't brush their teeth or wear shoes, and they don't wear MAGA hats or any other kind of hat. And they don't need no stinkin' forks for eating.

I mean, if you're going to do the alpha male thing you're a poser and a fake if you just do one or two manly things.

Ocelot II

(126,051 posts)
75. But animals do clean themselves with their own tongues.
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 09:34 PM
4 hrs ago

So if these alpha males want to emulate their animal brethren they should be licking their nether regions with one leg behind their head, like dogs.

unblock

(55,398 posts)
5. Alpha males are such delicate flowers.
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 06:28 PM
Saturday

What with their fragile egos and sensitive nether regions....

Jack Valentino

(2,833 posts)
41. I always made it a point to shave and shower and brush teeth before a date,
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 11:07 PM
Saturday

even if I had done so that morning (which I usually had)...


"This shit" is beyond my comprehension... perhaps a good-sized hemorrhoid would help to educate them...

Renew Deal

(84,269 posts)
35. I did after reading your post
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 09:59 PM
Saturday

It looks like this has been going on at least 5 years with some people.

mdbl

(6,943 posts)
74. I wonder if they even use toilets anymore - do they just squat anywhere outside?
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 09:29 PM
4 hrs ago

My dog does that. Just wondering.

Ocelot II

(126,051 posts)
11. They don't use anything.
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 06:38 PM
Saturday

Wiping their butts or anything that involves spreading their cheeks is considered gay.

Jack Valentino

(2,833 posts)
42. They are obviously very insecure about their own masculinity....
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 11:10 PM
Saturday

"homosexual panic" it was sometimes called at one time

Metaphorical

(2,470 posts)
10. I think it's partially a problem of obesity
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 06:38 PM
Saturday

At some point, it just becomes difficult to reach that part of the body.

Also, I have to wonder how much of this may be a side effect of covid, which famously reduced the sense of smell, potentially permanently (we just don't know yet).

Ocelot II

(126,051 posts)
15. Obesity has nothing to do with it, neither does their sense of smell.
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 06:54 PM
Saturday

They think touching their own buttholes makes them gay.

tulipsandroses

(7,684 posts)
12. Not The Onion???
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 06:47 PM
Saturday

This is disgusting.
How did this become a thing?? But then again tucker told them to sun tan their balls so I guess....

flvegan

(65,139 posts)
13. I wish I could un-read this.
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 06:52 PM
Saturday

I've got a number of these wanna-be "alpha males" at my gym, and now I'm going to question the gym equipment after they use it.

Coventina

(28,463 posts)
16. I'm so sorry. One of women who dumped (no pun intended) her poopy boyfriend
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 07:03 PM
Saturday

Said that it was so nice to sit on the couch and not worry about it anymore.

Good grief!

MuseRider

(34,822 posts)
28. Oh no,
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 08:24 PM
Saturday

I have read all the way down to this and reading that ....oh I don't know, made me sick and sad and laugh like crazy. I am glad my boys are men, all paired up and would NEVER even begin to host an idea like that. ooooooooo gads

Jack Valentino

(2,833 posts)
43. So the reason some magats can't get laid, maybe more reasons besides their
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 11:13 PM
Saturday

nasty-ass politics....

angrychair

(10,889 posts)
14. Human race is doomed
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 06:54 PM
Saturday

Doomed. American society is such a selfish, narcissistic and fragile lot.

newdeal2

(3,403 posts)
65. Yes, I think I was thinking of paleo diets or whatever it is called now. All meat
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 12:31 PM
13 hrs ago

Or raw milk.

Dulcinea

(8,773 posts)
20. If someone has to tell the world he's an alpha male...
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 07:29 PM
Saturday

...he's not an alpha male. Plus, real men don't smell like butt. Gross!

EdmondDantes_

(635 posts)
22. Well at least you can lay on your bed without worrying about unfortunate stains
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 07:32 PM
Saturday

But I have to mildly disagree with your claim that the Alpha Bros have lost the plot. What plot did those neanderthals ever have to lose?

JI7

(92,332 posts)
24. I read about this recently and was going to post about it
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 07:37 PM
Saturday

but I was so disgusted and hoping it wasn't true.

But from what I read they think they will turn gay if they wipe their asses so they don't.

I don't remember the exact sources but I read about it while looking into the anti transgender thing and how it affected voting.

It mentioned some other things like on Fox news some guy saying it was gay for a man to say happy birthday to another man if they were not related.

UpInArms

(53,129 posts)
52. Oh my!
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 11:47 PM
Saturday
But from what I read they think they will turn gay if they wipe their asses so they don't.


From what I know, they will stink like shit if they don’t wipe their asses.

Wounded Bear

(62,527 posts)
25. Real men don't worry a lot about what others' definition of a man is...
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 07:52 PM
Saturday

Oh, and they practice basic hygiene.

nocoincidences

(2,409 posts)
26. Prostate orgasm
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 08:14 PM
Saturday
If they rub that area in the right/wrong way they might get that "gay twinge", you know....

Best to avoid it altogether.

Ms. Toad

(37,324 posts)
27. This sounds like the left's counter to the right's nonsense
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 08:15 PM
Saturday

that furries are demanding litter boxes in bathrooms.

I suspect there's as much truth in one as there is in the other.

BOSSHOG

(43,317 posts)
29. Well there ya have it, I guess I'm Gay
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 08:33 PM
Saturday

I’m kinda Anal about cleanliness all over. We got toilet paper to last us trumps last term. It’s a pain in the ass adjusting to his time in Washington.

Jack Valentino

(2,833 posts)
47. Me too, brother. I wiped today.... guess that means we should have a drink together!
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 11:23 PM
Saturday

Just kidding, but what the everlasting fuck....

I'm secure enough in my hetero masculinity to make gay come-on jokes to my friends,
guess these guys will never enjoy that sort of humor...

BOSSHOG

(43,317 posts)
60. Hey Jack, First rounds on me
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 10:06 AM
15 hrs ago

Remember the good old days when Alpha Males got drunk and threw axes at each other in a parking lot.

It’s been decades since I came across any conservative with a sense of humor.

D_Master81

(2,116 posts)
31. What??! Haha
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 09:21 PM
Saturday

This has to be someone starting it to “Punk” these dudes. This can’t be real 😂

Aristus

(70,416 posts)
33. I wish I could understand what's supposed to be masculine about this.
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 09:31 PM
Saturday

I’ve been a neatnik and a cleanliness enthusiast all my life. Everything stays clean. If it gets dirty, I clean it thoroughly soon after.

I’ve had some success with women. I’ve never, ever had one of them say to me “I wish you didn’t smell so good. I wish you smelled like shit. You know: masculine.”

Got to wonder about some guys…

Renew Deal

(84,269 posts)
36. Partners should immediately end it with anyone that has very strange practices like this.
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 10:01 PM
Saturday

It always gets worse. Someone going down this type of road is obviously easily distractable and easily mislead, and a boyfriend/girlfriend should leave ASAP.

Jack Valentino

(2,833 posts)
50. Not sure how it could get any worse... but I don't disagree.
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 11:29 PM
Saturday

Refusing to wipe your ass has to be a screaming 'Red Flag' deal-breaker
among civilized people.... !

Jack Valentino

(2,833 posts)
39. If wiping is now "gay", well I guess I am "flaming"!!!! WTF! Obviously spoken by guys who don't
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 10:57 PM
Saturday

do their own laundry, either....


"Women are increasingly complaining about men who leave "skid marks" on sheets after intimate encounters, and men who just, um, stink in general."


I can't even--- guess they don't shower or wash their ass either? Most animals don't, unless it rains on them...


I suspect that there may be a very high correlation between "non-wipers" and Trump voters---
would love to see the numbers on that...

Response to Coventina (Original post)

Norrrm

(2,421 posts)
51. Does this go with Tucker Carlson and men tanning their balls?
Sat Jul 19, 2025, 11:41 PM
Saturday

Or republican manly-man Nick Fuentes claiming that having sex with women is gay?

mwmisses4289

(1,554 posts)
77. ok, now I'm confused. 🤔
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 10:31 PM
3 hrs ago

If having sex with women is gay, but these idiots are mad because women won't have sex them, and having sex with men is gay, who are these idjits having sex with? And in their world is masturbating what manly men do, or is it only losers who do that? Maybe they want to be a monk? 🤔🤨
It's all so confusing to figure out who the manly men in this world are!

Norrrm

(2,421 posts)
78. Manly men
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 10:39 PM
3 hrs ago

Someone who boasted that his wife said he was the best sex she ever had.

He even got a headline out of it.

Funny thing... the current wife and his porn star mistress seem to doubt the tale.

LS0999

(221 posts)
54. The internet was a mistake.
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 12:32 AM
Yesterday

Now add that with AI programmed by fascists. Humanity is devolving to a more primitive state.

NickB79

(19,984 posts)
63. So many vulnerable young boys sucking into that rabbit hole
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 10:46 AM
15 hrs ago

We really need more fatherly figures like Tim Walz to demonstrate loving masculinity, not these alpha bro jackoffs like Andrew Tate. I feel really sad for the shit my teenage daughter will have to deal with when (if?) she starts dating.

niyad

(125,298 posts)
55. Sooooooo. . .that line of "dude wipes" in the TP aisle (I wish I were kidding) is gay?
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 12:36 AM
Yesterday

0rganism

(25,248 posts)
56. Someone needs to inform these experimental hygienists that many other animals clean their butts with their own tongues
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 12:44 AM
Yesterday

Kind of odd to wonder how primates evolved away from what seems to be a pretty common habit among other land animals. I guess sociality, bipedality and opposable thumbs make other forms of cleanup more useful/effective/enjoyable.

3catwoman3

(27,173 posts)
57. I'm a personal hygiene fanatic. If I'm at the gym and need to blow my nose, I sanitize...
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 01:25 AM
Yesterday

...my hands before using a tissue so I don't inoculate my nasal membranes with whatever ight be on my fingers, and then I sanitize the again after blowing my nose so I don't deposit anything on the handles of whatever equipment I'm using. I wash my hands so many times a day I call myself Lady MacBeth.

Where/how do ridiculous ideas like this even start? I can't imagine any woman falling for this bullshit.

David__77

(24,310 posts)
58. This reminds me of anarcho-primitivism.
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 08:35 AM
17 hrs ago

Perhaps they will also determine that using language is inhibiting their true bestial selves.

ProudMNDemocrat

(19,887 posts)
59. How to KNOCK down an Alpha Male?
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 08:49 AM
16 hrs ago

Tell him..."I've seen better."

Alpha Males are nothing more than insecure little boys who were bullied by their parents into thinking that in order to be "STRONG" they have to tear down others. Just like TACO Don. The PERFECT example of what an Alpha Male should not be.

Henry Cavil on the other hand? Now there is a man! A man in a way that is not intimidating or boastful.

NickB79

(19,984 posts)
62. Is holding my dick to take a piss gay now too?
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 10:44 AM
15 hrs ago

After all, gay guys grab dicks, so......

Oh shit, I better pee sitting down so no one thinks I'm gay!

Wait, sitting down is how FEMALES pee! That's emasculating!

Next step: alpha bros pissing their pants and telling you it's peak masculinity.

BlueSpot

(1,114 posts)
83. It does seem like the logical conclusion
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 11:41 PM
2 hrs ago

This topic is blowing my mind. I had not idea people could be this stupid. A lot of stupid, sure. But this blows the doors off the barn!

MineralMan

(149,487 posts)
64. Nasty little boys become nasty men and incels.
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 10:57 AM
14 hrs ago

Then they get angry because women don't want to be around them. Go figure.

BoRaGard

(6,373 posts)
67. Speaking as a BoGardQuantum Zeta Male,
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 04:35 PM
9 hrs ago

I have a message for the plotless: grow up. You have important responsibilities in life, and you are farting them into oblivion with your childish hate horseshit. This is America. Read the freaking Constitution. And respect it.

Ocelot II

(126,051 posts)
81. No wonder they're incels.
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 10:47 PM
3 hrs ago

Who wants to get horizontal with a guy who doesn't do basic bathroom hygiene? Eww.

taxi

(2,400 posts)
70. To be perfectly honest,
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 05:38 PM
8 hrs ago

sometimes if you are not at home and use a public restroom, you may as well use waxed paper.
Let's face it, how many times have I gone into the restroom to find some ignoramus has peed on everything, failed to flush the toilet, or left brown smears on the seat? They don't need no stinking toilet paper. As a matter of fact, if it weren't against the law a real man would just shit in one hand and wipe it on his pants. Carry on.

PeaceWave

(1,688 posts)
73. This finally explains the preference for bears over men in the woods...
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 06:04 PM
7 hrs ago

The bears have the decency to wipe their behinds.


Bernardo de La Paz

(57,143 posts)
80. I say let them make themselves unfuckable, neck beards and all. Let them become incels. . . . nt
Sun Jul 20, 2025, 10:46 PM
3 hrs ago

B.See

(5,887 posts)
84. One expression
Mon Jul 21, 2025, 12:24 AM
1 hr ago

(from city of my birth) immediately comes to mind for these crazy mfkrs:

TRIFLING.

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