My wife thinks I should go to the ER right away but that just doesn't seem manly to me. What do you think I should do?

-- Busted

Dear Busted ---

The ER is the last place you should want to go! It's full of know-it-alls who went to med school instead of getting real jobs. Just mix a bottle of yellow mustard with a sack of plaster of paris and slap it on your bump. You'll be fine

-- Robby

but before I could drop the turkey in, the oil burst into flames. There's a fire station not far away so I think maybe I might call them. Would that be a good idea?

-- Warm

Dear Warm ---

All the fire department will do is drive around in their big trucks with lights flashing and sirens squawking. The country will be better when we get rid of those people. You can easily solve this problem yourself! Just bring a garden hose in through the window and spray water all over the stove and pot of oil.

-- Robby

but his mechanic said it would need an oil change soon. But to save money, I haven't changed the oil yet. A few weeks ago, the check engine light came on, and now it seems to be smoking and running a bit rough. Should I take it back to the mechanic?

-- Knocksville

Dear Knocksville ---

I suspect it only needs a widget update, and if I were you, I'd fix it myself. Just buy some wrenches and start taking the engine apart until you find the out-of-date widget. Pop in a new one, put everything back together, and you'll be good to go!

-- Robby