More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: BIG BEAUTIFUL JOURNAL!!!

SO A MARINE WITH TEARS IN HIS EYES CAME UP TO ME AND SAID "SIR! SIR! WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO POST ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR YUGELY SUCCESSFUL JOURNALS?" THE PEOPLE NEED ANOTHER JOURNAL FROM YOUR FAVORITE WRITER (ME)! ABOUT HOW DUMB DONALD TRUMP (LOSER) AND THE FAILING REPUBLICAN PARTY (YUGELY FAILING) AND ALL OF THE PEDOPHILES (REPUBLICANS) AND PERVERTS (MORE REPUBLICANS) LIVE IN A POORLY EDUCATED WORLD (YUGELY WRONG!) FULL OF FAKE NEWS (REAL FAKE NEWS, NOT THE REAL NEWS ABOUT FAILING DONALD TRUMP AND HIS ENORMOUS CANKLES (BUT NOT HIS TINY HANDS, BECAUSE THEY'RE REALLY TINY)) WHY HASN'T THIS JOURNAL BEEN GIVEN EVERY NOBLE PRIZE BY NOW (SO UNFAIR)!?! THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION IN THIS MATTER!!!

(Geez...just doing that for one paragraph broke my brain...No. 72 in an occasional series.)

More Family Values™ Republicans Eligible To Be Appointed To Government By Donald Trump:

Kyle Travis Colton
RJ May
David McKeown
Cory Mills
George Nader
John Paulson
Ken Paxton
Scott Soucek
Lawrence Taylor
Ryan Walters

I've previously posted the entire list to date, but it's become so large and unwieldy, from now on I'm only posting the additions. I will still post the entire list in the first column every year from now on. You can see the full list as of January 2025 here

More Reposts and Updates:

* You think mail-in voting is dangerous and potentially fraudulent except when you do it. (#44, July 2020)

All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* A rogue Marine Colonel who illegally sold missiles to the America-hating state of Iran in the 1980's was to be commended. When the same former Colonel says Iran shouldn't have missiles now he should also be commended.

* A conservative, pro-life Republican Congresswoman with a difficult pregnancy nearly dying from anti-abortion laws passed by conservative, pro-life Republicans is clearly the fault of the left.

^More "party of personal responsibility" I guess...

* You're more concerned about the alleged mental decline of a man who has been a private citizen for the last eight months than you are with the publicly obvious mental and physical decline of the man who is president of the United States right now.

* Dozens of people die because the National Weather Service has been decimated by bullshit job cuts, therefore the problem is clearly still too many "bureaucrats" working there.

* "Truth, Justice, and the American Way" = "Too Woke"

^I mean, what, do they think the Krypton he came from was Krypton, Kentucky?

But then again, these are the same people that think Star Trek (created by an atheist, and featured on-the-nose parables of the stupidity of racism as well as TV's first interracial kiss) and Star Wars (the heroes fight an evil, racially homogeneous Empire inspired by the fall of the Roman Republic and the antics of Richard Nixon) were somehow bastions of conservatism until just recently.

* Loyal, hand-picked minions of Donald Trump can be believed when they say that the Jeffrey Epstein client list doesn't exist and Donald Trump definitely isn't on it.

* You support "at will" employment, but cry, whine, and fund-raise when you're fired for proudly admitting you're a fascist.


* Donald Trump has to step in and send the FBI to Washington DC because the city is overrun with a historically low crime.

* You're furious when Gavin Newsom posts all-caps Tweets filled with poor vocabulary, childish insults, and creepy AI images of him being adored by dead heroes.

I don't even need to say any more on that one, do I?

* Mid-decade redistricting to gerrymander more seats for your party is only bad when Democrats do it.

* You're more angry about Cracker Barrel changing its logo than you are dead schoolchildren.

Until next time...