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The Borowitz Report-Nobel Peace Prize Committee Says It Takes Points Off if a Candidate Denies People Food
Nobel Peace Prize Committee Says It Takes Points Off if a Candidate Denies People Food
— Christopher Mootham (@chrismootham.bsky.social) 2025-11-10T06:28:47.979Z
open.substack.com/pub/borowitz...
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/nobel-peace-prize-committee-says
OSLO (The Borowitz Report)—The committee tasked with awarding next year’s Nobel Peace Prize will deduct points from any candidate who has denied people food, a Nobel spokesperson announced on Sunday.
The spokesperson, Halvard Dorrinström, explained how the scoring system works, using the hypothetical example of someone who withheld food from 42 million people.
“That person would lose 42 million points,” he said.
Offering further insight into their deliberative process, Dorrinström said the committee would “instantly disqualify” any candidate who blew up random fishing boats for no apparent reason.
The spokesperson, Halvard Dorrinström, explained how the scoring system works, using the hypothetical example of someone who withheld food from 42 million people.
“That person would lose 42 million points,” he said.
Offering further insight into their deliberative process, Dorrinström said the committee would “instantly disqualify” any candidate who blew up random fishing boats for no apparent reason.