Female Supreme Court Justices Formally Request Protection From Brett Kavanaugh

WASHINGTON—Acknowledging that the danger would be difficult to manage and impossible to eliminate altogether, the Supreme Court’s female justices nevertheless appeared before Congress this week to ask for protection from fellow justice Brett Kavanaugh.

“We understand that our safety cannot be guaranteed, but we are in a uniquely vulnerable position and have the right to carry out our duties without worrying that we’ll turn a corner one day and find Brett Kavanaugh standing there in the hallway,” said Justice Amy Coney Barrett, adding that she recently had to explain to her teenage children why she was forced to wear extra layers of baggy, shapeless shirts at work.

“While we realize that posting security in every corridor and meeting room of the Supreme Court building could cost taxpayers millions of dollars, we can’t ignore the threat of Justice Kavanaugh, which has skyrocketed since 2018 and shows no sign of slowing down. By the time I step into an elevator with him inside it, it’ll be too late.”

Barrett went on to say, however, that outside the security appropriation, Congress should stay out of Supreme Court affairs except to unethically appoint conservative justices.

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