Since his death in 1994, Richard Nixon has refrained from public comments. Today, however, he has broken his silence in a letter from Hell.

Mr. Nixon offered TBR the exclusive right to publish the following letter he wrote to Donald Trump on one condition: that his expletives not be deleted.

Donny Boy:

Congratulations: I’m adding you to my enemies list.

It’s not because you’re evil. I usually put evil people on my friends list. Every Thursday, I play bridge with Mao, Stalin, and Kissinger. Mao and Stalin had a moral objection when I brought Henry into the game, but I begged them to give him a chance.

No, it’s not because you’re evil. It’s because you’re so fucking unoriginal.

Hmm, let’s see: a paranoid president commits a shitload of crimes, then abuses his power trying to cover them up. Why does this ring a bell?

You’re lucky I’m dead, asshole, or I’d sue you for plagiarism....