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The Borowitz Report: How to Gaslight Your MAGA Relatives on Thanksgiving
Link: https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/how-to-gaslight-your-maga-relatives
Stuck with MAGA relatives around the table today? Gaslight them by pretending you’re a convert to their movement! Just slip these surefire talking points into the conversation:
1. I’m more grateful for this Thanksgiving meal than last year’s because it cost so much more.
2. I agree with RFK Jr.—polio’s not so bad.
3. Pete Hegseth has made me feel so much better about my drinking.
4. I’m grateful to live in a country where if you’ve committed violent crimes and gone to prison you can still get a job working for ICE.
5. After we’re done eating, let’s tear down this house and build a ballroom.
6. Thank God Trump is deporting all those undocumented workers! If I want fruit and vegetables I’ll just pick them myself.
7. Say what you will about Trump, he’s a loyal friend—look at how many times Epstein mentioned him in his emails.
- short article, no more at link -
1. I’m more grateful for this Thanksgiving meal than last year’s because it cost so much more.
2. I agree with RFK Jr.—polio’s not so bad.
3. Pete Hegseth has made me feel so much better about my drinking.
4. I’m grateful to live in a country where if you’ve committed violent crimes and gone to prison you can still get a job working for ICE.
5. After we’re done eating, let’s tear down this house and build a ballroom.
6. Thank God Trump is deporting all those undocumented workers! If I want fruit and vegetables I’ll just pick them myself.
7. Say what you will about Trump, he’s a loyal friend—look at how many times Epstein mentioned him in his emails.
Great suggestions Andy!
Today I'm thankful that I don't have any MAGA relatives to use these on. We're a large group and we all vote D.
6 replies
= new reply since forum marked as read
= new reply since forum marked as read
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100220834306
Borowitz: (above)
Original.
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/how-to-gaslight-your-maga-relatives
Some ideas.
I recently posted them here:
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100220807220
If you'd like to offer a quick, snappy dumbfounding response that can be printed on a cheat sheet or stored on a phone, please chime in.
Anyone is welcome to glean "best of the worst".
Share your "cheat sheet", please.
Some suggestions:
• In sports, the winner buys the dinner. So, please cover the meal. (Optionally, my Soros check is late.)
• If you'll excuse me, I have an appointment to bang a hooker. Can you please buy my spouse dessert?
• Excuse me for a moment. My shorts are tight and I need more ballroom. BRB.
• What fine turkey! I'll take the West Wing. You take the East Wing. It's kind of messed up.
• Is that Argentinian beef, do you know?
• Trump said in 2018, "The U.S. should no longer serve as the “policemen of the world.” And now he's (Dirty Harry/Colombo/Frank Drebin) with missiles.
• Awful weather outside (wait for response?). So, why can't Trump change it like Biden did?
• Prices went up. I can't afford to get you a Christmas gift, only a cheap-ass holiday gift.
• Thank goodness, no cockroaches in the salad. The restaurant (or we) can't afford them, with price increases.
• I'd order appetizers/dessert but I'm down to my last $100 bill.
--- and last but not least, (you were waiting for this)
• The "fake phone call" app.
"Yes, sir, they don't look quite white enough. Do you want names?
You have the floor!
Now, where is the vacuum cleaner?
Remember, short, snappy, and preferably with no possible answer for them to spout their Fox News "catechism"
Borowitz: (above)
Original.
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/how-to-gaslight-your-maga-relatives
Some ideas.
I recently posted them here:
https://www.democraticunderground.com/100220807220
If you'd like to offer a quick, snappy dumbfounding response that can be printed on a cheat sheet or stored on a phone, please chime in.
Anyone is welcome to glean "best of the worst".
Share your "cheat sheet", please.
Some suggestions:
• In sports, the winner buys the dinner. So, please cover the meal. (Optionally, my Soros check is late.)
• If you'll excuse me, I have an appointment to bang a hooker. Can you please buy my spouse dessert?
• Excuse me for a moment. My shorts are tight and I need more ballroom. BRB.
• What fine turkey! I'll take the West Wing. You take the East Wing. It's kind of messed up.
• Is that Argentinian beef, do you know?
• Trump said in 2018, "The U.S. should no longer serve as the “policemen of the world.” And now he's (Dirty Harry/Colombo/Frank Drebin) with missiles.
• Awful weather outside (wait for response?). So, why can't Trump change it like Biden did?
• Prices went up. I can't afford to get you a Christmas gift, only a cheap-ass holiday gift.
• Thank goodness, no cockroaches in the salad. The restaurant (or we) can't afford them, with price increases.
• I'd order appetizers/dessert but I'm down to my last $100 bill.
--- and last but not least, (you were waiting for this)
• The "fake phone call" app.
"Yes, sir, they don't look quite white enough. Do you want names?
You have the floor!
Now, where is the vacuum cleaner?
Remember, short, snappy, and preferably with no possible answer for them to spout their Fox News "catechism"