July 9, 2025

July 9, 2025

Good morning, Mom!
Happy Birthmonth.
I love you, and I miss you.

I remember you asking why on earth I'd want to become a "Master Gardener". I think I said something about meeting new people, giving back to the community, and learning new information and ideas.

My feeling was that you were kinda put off; or not impressed or something. It was only much later that I recall you saying something like you were impressed by my bravery. Or something like that. It was something affirming, but I don't exactly remember. I also really like the idea of being a 2020 Master Gardener, lol.

I've finally managed to get out of the house more and actually volunteer at a shelter/ rescue. Huh. What's the difference? I don't know. But gosh the work makes my feet hurt. But in a different way from my arches falling.


I love all the animals, dogs, cats, cows, goats, sheep, mules and donkeys, and so on.

But I don't get to be around kitty purrs too often. So, here, I can be around cats. And kittens. Lots of kittens. I mean, really. Lots.

So Many Kittens!!!!

SO MANY KITTENS!!

Dear lord, I wish people would spay and neuter their pets. There are some puppies, here too. And a lot of teenagers dogs. And so very many unwanted adult dogs. I feel so heartbroken that there are so many unwanted pets, not just here, but those at the humane society, those relinquished to AC, those simply dumped, those being neglected in backyards.

I wish everyone would just spay and neuter their pets. EVERYONE!! *sigh*

And then there's this thing. It’s expensive; by any definition. It costs to spay and neuter any pet. But all the pets need that care. Pets need safe places to live, and loving caretakers. But the vet bills can really add up. And I know many people are simply doing their best, with limited resources and knowledge. Yeah, there are some that are not doing "their best", and not even trying, assuredly. Some do not deserve pets, I think.

I would love to see a veterinary clinic/services that was a sliding scale thing. Like One Acre Cafe, but for pets. So no-one has to relinquish or lose their pet simply for lack of funds. A thing where those that can afford to, donate to help others. Those that can't donate funds, volunteer to help pay it forward for vet bills. And for those that can't do that, well, they'll be helped to do as much as possible to take the best care of their pets and become (at least) advocates for animal welfare. That's the dream, anyway.

Losing Aria to Valley Fever still hurts. I still feel like a failure for that. It is still so hard to talk about her. I try, I try to talk or at least write about her. Because I don't want her forgotten. Because I want to remember. And maybe it will help me, somehow. Just a little. Her three pups, and Aria herself, were the last dogs I felt safe around a cat. Or I felt were cat safe.

First time I saw her; I thought Melody had returned to me. Sometimes, I entertain the notion that her three pups were the return of some of Melody's siblings that didn't have good lives. Deanna reminded me of Diamond.

Aria was bigger than Melody. And more brash, more ornery, and frequently much more difficult. She'd be fine with a dog, until I saw them, and then she'd try to bite or attack; except for Heber. She loved him. Ashe would "sing," occasionally. Arroo-ooo-ooooOOOOOooo-ia! Rubber nosed clown dog!

Melody broke my heart when she ran away, just before the start of the school year at a new school.

**** i was getting ready to add; but I began to snooze while sitting outside w the dogs. Jessie doesn't like to go outside without me. And I had a dream that I was supposed to get my dad something. I was trying to figure out what. And I couldn't ask my Mom... because she's gone... But dad is gone too? So what am I supposed to do? ***

I remember dreaming about Melody coming back home, but she never did.

At least not to me. Years and years later, Mom told me Melody returned near the end of her life. Eventually a woman came looking for her. She told Mom her story. She had be put in a wheelchair after a car accident. And her husband left her, her depression was deep and in her despair, she decided to roll her chair into the farm pond. As she went toward the pond, a skinny dog came up to her, whining. Melody pressed herself up onto the lady's lap, and she knew she had to take care of this dog.

Melody became her best companion, helping her to take care of herself and the house. Somehow, a kitten joined the home. And one day, Melody grabbed up the kitten and ran towards the pond. Terrified she'd drop the kitten to its death and mad by Melody's behavior; she rushed to stop her. Then she realized Melody had forced her to get out of the chair and walk again!

When the lady felt unsteady on her feet, Melody was there to help keep her balance. She was everything she needed; and moreover Melody helped her make new friends and return to living in the world. Up until she had run off to find Mom, Melody had stayed by her side, never straying.

Mom told me this, before I found Aria. And when Aria came to me, I thought maybe this time Melody would stay with me.

i adopted her in late October. In September, I knew she was pregnant. She had three puppies, my ex agreed to keeping all of them. After I tried to kill myself a few times, Aria became my service dog.

We separated, about 8 months after I was couldn’t work anymore. I managed to keep my dogs together. I still had a bit of hope back then. It wasn't all gone, yet. Two years or so later, and the guy I had rented a room from was getting married. I think his fiancé was jealous of me, and she manipulated him against me. It started after the New Year's Eve party. I had decided to wear a dress and some makeup. He commented later about how good I looked. It didn't mean anything to me. But I think she noticed (his girlfriend) - and next thing I knew, he proposed to her. Then she convinced him to sell his house and not rent it out.

I found a single-wide in a park, and my lot had a fence going all around the property. Because Aria could leap over a fence only four feet up, I set up a hot wire at the top and bottom of the fence.

Aria got in a scuffle with Riker.

Then she started limping. I thought it was nothing, just a pulled muscle. That it would go away. I was stupidly distracted by trying to move to the arena by then, and finding a place my goats could live.

She got worse. She cried. And I finally scraped enough money and got a care credit to take her to the vet. It was bad. The vet showed me the lesions all over her body.

Aria, I am so very sorry. I should've listened better to you. I know that by 2010 - 2013; you probably would have gone from old age... but at least not from Valley Fever. At least not like that.

Allie, who had said we were friends, left me a message that I couldn't keep my goats w her anymore, on the day I decided to put Aria to sleep. We were no longer friends and somehow I had insulted or offended her.

I don't remember in much detail how I managed to find the goats a new place, but an arena board member let me keep them there for a day. Then Balinda said she'd take them in. Then, finally, Nick spoke to his daughter (Kelly) - and she took them for a while. Kelly was fostering a large litter of "border collie" pups.

Dove was one of the puppies. Dove saved my life.

I was supposed to get her ashes back. But they scattered them. They scattered Aria's ashes. And now I don't have them. Her babies, Riker, Guinnan, and Deanna are buried over near the pond. But Aria is lost to me. My beautiful baby girl. I'm so sorry, Aria.

Aria gave me the strength to go to the store when I needed food. She made me calm down when a mad rage began to take over. She kept me company when there was nothing and no one else.

When Aria's illness hit; Dad was dying from cancer. We didn't know it yet. My sister was kinda being a bit weird. I was desperate to keep my animals together and alive, but I failed Aria.

I tried calling Red Rover...

Anyway.

I love you Mom.
Oh, god how I miss you.
Happy Birthmonth