Evidence Suggests Easter Island Heads Were Gifts From Overbearing Mother-In-Law

Thursday, August 21, 2025

IOWA CITY, IA—Shedding light on the age-old mystery surrounding the monolithic statues, a new study published Thursday in the Journal Of Archaeological Science found evidence suggesting that the Easter Island heads were gifts from an overbearing mother-in-law. “By deciphering glyphs on wooden tablets, we discovered an inhabitant of the island once made an offhand remark about liking stone monoliths one time back in 1250, and his mother-in-law took this as an invitation to bring one over every time she dropped by for a visit,” said the study’s author, Professor Mallory Jacobs of the University of Iowa, explaining that the mother-in-law continued making gifts of the 30-foot-tall, 90-ton creations even after her daughter and son-in-law explained that they had no room.

“At first the family stored the heads in a closet, but they got tired of lugging out the massive monoliths every time the mother-in-law came over. Eventually they just left the statues outside along the island’s perimeter year-round. During her visits, the mother-in-law expressed that she felt good knowing her family would be forced to think of her each time they looked at the statues looming over them.” The study concludes that the civilization on Easter Island collapsed after the mother-in-law announced plans to move in.

https://theonion.com/evidence-suggests-easter-island-heads-were-gifts-from-overbearing-mother-in-law/

(satire)