A lovely event at the Newberry Library in Chicago.

After all, they were the ones getting married. Lol

I knew a girl who's father paid for a big fancy wedding, (20 years ago now,) for around 100K. Five years later, the couple divorced. What a waste.

There were 11 people in attendance, including the officiant.

The most expensive items were my wife's dress (not high end) and the cake. Total spent: around $900.

No regrets!

We went out for dinner to a nice restaurant after the ceremony. My mom who was a widow paid for my dress which we bought off the rack at a nice dress store. We paid for the dinner, flowers, and cake. I thought it was perfect. I do not like to be the center of attention esp. a church full of people all watching me.

Good luck and best wishes to your daughter and her fiancée!

give them each a set amount as a wedding gift to use as they wanted.
I told daughters that we would not pay for anything wedding related out side of the gift.
Not gown, flowers etc etc.

set aside $25K each for their weddings. Our Park and Rec has great venues for a reasonable fee. There are ways to keep costs down; no need to go overboard on all the details. $20K is probably half the cost for 125 people; a very nice contribution.

Congratulations on the upcoming nuptials!

My mom lived on Kauai at the time, so we went there, and flew one friend over from Honolulu.

I bought a Gunne Sax dress (for about $100).

We got married at the Green Church in Hanalei, which was across from my mom's hair salon.

We got ready at her shop and walked to the Church. Mom had a bag of Hinode Rice to throw at us (this is before people learned how bad it was for the birds).

We had the reception at my mothers beach house rental. It was kind of a pot luck. Again, nothing fancy.

Then we went to Maui for the honeymoon.

The entire thing probably cost around $500, if you can believe it.

That was back in the late 70s.

We got divorced 2 years later, but remain very close friends.

my wedding dress was Gunne Sax, too! About $100 in 1980. 🤣

Got married in the lodge at a nearby state park. No charge. As I recall, largest expense was liquor - $500. We took leftovers in husband's old panel truck on our honeymoon driving to Banff, Lake Louise.

Still married 45 years later!

They made clothes inSF and they had a factory outlet. You could buy a dress for $20! I think I still have one of those outfits in my downstairs closet. But I also brought one for my engagement party the first time I married.

That said my parents paid for part of my first wedding and I paid for part of it also. The marriage didn’t last thankfully. He was an awful. When I married my present husband I didn’t want another big wedding so we got married in my Mothers friends house in Lake Tahoe right on the lake. And then 6 months later we took our honeymoon cruise to the Caribbean. Better use of money the second time around.

don't last long enough to get all the bills paid. Put it toward a house.

This living in fairytale land re weddings needs to come back to earth. Seems when the Princess Brides get all the fancy trimmings, they are not going into marriage with a realistic view of life as an adult, and marriages seem to end quicker when the weddings are such big productions.

Last edited Sat Aug 23, 2025, 10:29 PM - Edit history (1)

later.

I concur with her assessment.

My daughter went wedding dress shopping with a friend. The friend also wanted to look at dresses for the wedding after the first one fails. Wow, such a good attitude for entering into a life commitment.

your mom is right!

We hosted an exchange student from Sweden in 2010-11. One of her local friends was getting married and asked her to be a bridesmaid for her wedding in May this year. The friend had a destination shower in another state. I didn't go to the wedding, but I dropped our former student and her sister off at the venue, a barn with a house to rent for the wedding party.

One of our distant relatives got married locally in June. The couple opted to be married in their aunt and uncle's back meadow, and had a reception in the Shriner's' Hall. I saw the couple on Mother's Day. The couple was telling us about the cost of the different venues around the area. The barn venue for the wedding in May was $15,000.00. Oh my! I'm glad my kids got married many years ago.

My husband and I got married in 1971. His brother and wife were our witnesses. We got married in the minister's living room, and his wife took a few pictures of us. We paid the minister $10.00 I paid $5 for my 'hippy dress' and we had plain brass rings. I think were were married 35 years before we got gold bands. My Mom made some fried chicken and a 2 layer cake for us, that we ate at her house. We were married almost 45 years when he passed away.

Our older daughter and her husband got married in 1992. We paid for most of the wedding, but she paid $200 extra to get the dress she wanted. I think we had about 35 guests, with a buffet reception in a rent-free building. I think that wedding was about $1200.00. They are going on 33 years.

Our younger daughter and her husband got married in 2008. They had lived together for almost 10 years, and were both established in their careers. We gave her the same amount of money to spend on her wedding that we gave our older daughter and they paid for the rest. They had a destination wedding at The Angel Oak near Charleston, with 25 people, including the wedding party. It was small because the park allows a max of 25 people by the tree. One thing I loved was that my sister had a 78 record of my Mom singing "O Promise Me" that her parents recorded on a machine they bought used in the late 30s. Our daughter got it transferred to cassette, and even though my Mom passed away before the wedding, she sang for them. I had never heard the recording, and I'm glad we played it on the drive to Charleston, because it was overwhelmingly sad and beautiful. Our daughter and her husband had a big reception a month later, in a local venue. They rented a giant tent that they put up beside the main building. I don't know how much the whole wedding cost, but I'm pretty sure it was a lot. It was all really lovely and thoughtfully arranged, without a wedding planner. I'm sure that if they were getting married now, the cost would be around $75-100K. They are going on 18 years.

I'm romantic enough to say, do what makes you happy, practical enough to think about what is affordable. Based on your description, I'd say if the groom is having so much say in location and guest list, that he should be willing to help pay for what he wants. In these times, it is old fashioned to think the parents of the bride should pay for the whole thing.

of the expenses but I think that offer went away.

Not the wedding and the pageantry. My husband and I got married on a snowy December evening by candlelight in the chapel of our church with a young man playing the violin. That was thirty-seven years ago. It was tasteful, beautiful and lasting.

I hope your daughter comes to realize that meaning is more important than spectacle.

Weddings are a colossal waste of money.

My husband & I were both working professionals when we got married, so we paid for some of our wedding & my parents paid for some. We had our wedding & reception at a mansion near Atlanta. 100 guests & everything was done in-house except we supplied our own alcohol. My dress cost $250 including alterations. No train, sheath style because my husband had his heart set on having an outdoor ceremony. We've been married 28 years as of March 22.

We must have been one of his first clients. When we met him he said he would take pictures at the rehearsal dinner & wedding but rather than give us all the pictures to choose from, he would pick the pictures and make the album, and include some 8"x"10's, etc. He was nice & the price was great. We were very pleased.

Fast forward 20 years, we get a call from him & he reintroduces himself. Fortunately, we still had the same landline number. He said he was retiring and cleaning out his photo studio and wanted to give us all the negatives and pictures from our wedding, including a large 28" x 23" framed canvas portrait of us outside the church he used for marketing! We gave him our address and he delivered them to our house! More pictures than we know what to do with!

My wedding cost us about $28k for 170 people in 2014. We had a full bar, good food at a very nice venue, so it definitely could have been cheaper. In comparison, wedding for a friend last year for 200ish people cost them over $55k.

If my wife and I had to do it all over again, we definitely would have gone cheaper and smaller and used the money towards something else.

and 'want to invite 125 people' ???

here in NW Arkansas. My sister and her husband put in just over $30k. It was fine. I’d say there were about 125-150 people there. It wasnt anything over-the-top, but it was too much for my taste. The wedding was at 4 pm, so that meant a dinner at the reception (the biggest cost). They went with a buffet catered by a local BBQ restaurant. Some would consider that low-brow, but I thought it was well-received. They also provided beer and wine with a cash bar for those wanting liquor. Dancing and a DJ commenced after dinner…at the time my wife and I took our leave!

I wish weddings were more like those from my earlier years in the 60s and 70s—ceremony at the church at like 2 PM on a non-football Saturday with cake, punch and butter mints in the ajoining fellowship hall. Everything done in about an hour-and-a-half and the newlyweds knocking boots by five. Everyone is hppy!

Here’s the deal couples need to realize: Most people dont enjoy going to weddings. Most of those that do go, do so out of a felt obligation. Most people are joyful when they learn a couple are having a small, intimate wedding that they dont have to attend.

If money needs to be involved, get them to prove the relationship is legit.
Offer them $10K to be paid 5 years down the track!
(Yes, I'm nasty like that.)

Marriage is the easy bit.
Done it twice myself. Registry office, one witness, minimal costs, no party.
Making it work long term, well, that is hard.
You don't get an award at the start of a marathon, after all. At the end, maybe, if you are good enough.

Seriously, if you have doubts, you really feel it isn't good use of your money. $20K? Jeez!

wants the other 2 sisters as bridesmaids & her younger sister as her maid of honor which she won't want to do. Sooooooo much drama.

and I had a very small wedding 40 years ago. A very few family members on a weekday. No dinner or party because my husband and I didn’t want either. I was 27 and my husband was 31 and we didn’t want our parents spending a lot of money and we didn’t have a lot of money ourselves. We really wanted to go to the courthouse and get married, but his mom wouldn’t hear of it. I really don’t understand why people want big elaborate wedding’s. I never dreamed as a child of having a big wedding-It never entered my mind. In the end I am happy my MIL wanted us to get married at a church. I would guess we spent, at most, one thousand dollars, but likely much less.