if i die first, you write mine…if you die first i’ll write yours.

whoever writes mine won't do as good of a job that I could do.

And what if...

And you never know about these things...

What if wherever you end up, you get to read your own obituary, and it sucks, and then you have to live with that for eternity?

Knowing that someone messed up your obituary?

I would not be able to handle that...

And that bad obituary will be on the internet forever.

FOREVER!

Get up at the most inconvenient time of day for you. Three in The morning? Do all your worrying for ten minutes and then quit. Get to the point when you get up at three in the morning and you discover you only worry about having nothing to worry about.

I’ve drafted my obit, a living document subject to change. I’ve set aside money for a bbq, lots of beer. Designated drivers. We will be happy I was alive. No sadness allowed. Music by Michael McDonald and Jimmy Buffet. Now I have to wait. It might not happen for 30 years. Oh my the editing.

Not what someone writes to be published in the local paper or handed out at your memorial service. Those who knew you, whose lives you touched are the ones who matter. They know you, and will remember you.

I'm just joking.

Which I know you did!

Will it work if I'm in there with you?

One would REALLY have to be stubborn to harbor an eternal grudge about some words written by a friend in a time of duress .

While crossing the Rainbow Bridge, he slipped and fell into the abyss.

Because if you say yes, that's going to inspire me...

of Obits and only find a few good ones.

Obits are opportunities for literary excellence. I read them every opportunity, hoping, praying for jocularity, wit and wisdom. Most are interchangeable. They are mostly last minute boilerplate.

WRITE YOUR OWN OBITUARY. MAKE A NIKE COMMERCIAL.

and I'm typing it because I just saw it online now.

I used to work with this guy. I wouldn't say we were friends, but we were good acquaintances, and we liked each other. He was older than me.

He got in a habit of calling maybe twice a month. And it was always in the evening, and we would be on the phone for 3 to 4 hours. He did most of the talking. The last time he called...I was tired. i couldn't handle a long phone call. So I politely said I have to go after about 30 minutes of conversation.

Then, he died. Suddenly. a few days after that.

And that tore me up. I cut the guy off. And he fucking died.

I'm wondering if he knew he was on the way out, and he needed to talk to someone? It seems strange to me, because he was a popular guy with a lot of friends, and I still have no idea why he liked talking to me so much. We we were kind of close I guess, but not that close.

So I wrote a long tribute to him in his obituary, and I wish I would have gotten to know him better.

Right after that, I remembered something. There was another guy I worked with that I was closer to. Several years before the guy in this story died, this guy that I was a bit closer to called me on a holiday, maybe Thanksgiving, I can't remember. He called to wish me a happy whatever holiday it was. I had a house full of people and I said "Can I call you back tomorrow"? He said sure. This was on a landline, and before the days of caller ID (at least we didn't have caller ID). I just had a regular old fashioned phone.

I went to call him back the next day, and I couldn't find his fucking phone number. I had it written down somewhere, and I couldn't find it.

So I never called him, and he never phoned me back.

So after this first guy in this story died, I remembered that incident. And I moved heaven and earth to try to find this second guy's phone number to call him after all those years and apologize for never calling him back. By this time, cell phones were in use. I couldn't find his number anywhere online. I ended up finding the number of a business that one of his relatives owned out of state. I called the business and asked for my friends number and which state he was living in.

I got his number, called him, and we re-connected.

I never want to experience again the feeling of having cut someone off in a conversation, and then having them pass away.

There's no phone book for cell phones.

My son has two cell phone numbers, and earlier today he called me from the one he normally doesn't use. I almost didn't answer the phone, glad I did.

But, every contact in my phone has its own ringtone. That way, when the phone 'rings', I know who it is.

If the call is someone that is not in my list, I get another sound that tells me I do not know who it is.

If I am not expecting a call, I will not answer it. If it is important, leave a message and I can call you back. If I get a call from a number I do not know and no message, I will just ignore it.

Made me laugh with them.

It would be the most authentic representation of who you were and what you did.

Today, I found out that a man who've I known and worked with for 37 years passed this AM. We talked almost daily on business issues. In fact, I spoke with him more than just about anyone over the past 15 years. We were born on the same date, 10 years apart. He was the elder. Started back in the early 90's as my boss. Best manager I ever worked for. He let me do what I did which was bringing creative ideas to material acquisition. Later,in 2007, he came to work for my company. A better man, I have not met....

So, I'm feeling your vibes tonight.

Oh yeah, I saw my daughter at Subway today and found out her dog died yesterday. I'm on a roll.

I'm so sorry.

The older I get, the more often it does.

So, same age. But 50 years ago, you'd just have been a kid.

matured. Sometimes I feel like I'm 14.

Christ, it was only within the last decade or so that I realized that I can stop calling men "Sir" or "Mr". Now, they call me Mr. and Sir. I feel like an imposter.

I truly think aging is a state of mind. We can't stop our bodies from aging, but that doesn't mean are minds have to follow.

Starting to say "I mean" before very sentence.

Bro

Dude

Bruh

etc.

I have to stop myself before it comes out and say "That's not a good look for an old guy. Talk like an adult you idiot".

Always write nice things in your friends’ online obituaries; otherwise, they won’t write nice things in yours.

Thy won’t go to yours.

I’m on Facebook but I have turned my profile private and my married name is very common.

So I had to narrow my search with some other qualifiers.

Everyone who knew her, knew she was who she was.

The very first thing the instructor had us do was write our own obit.

I later learned she did that in part to find out if any students were suicidal.

Writing your own obituary is something everyone should do--whether it will see the light of day or not.

More than telling others who you were, it can tell you who you really want to be when all is said and done.

With any luck we all have plenty of time to be something we would love to read about....

*Roger Taney, Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court, wrote the terrible Dred Scott decision that helped precipitate the Civil War. He will always be known for that, regardless of anything else good that he might have done.

Similarly, Addison Mitchell McConnell will always be remembered for two things: 1) stealing two Supreme Court appointments from Democrats, and 2) preventing Pres. Obama from bringing out Donald tRump's connections to Putin.

And tRump? He will be remembered for SO MANY evil acts that nobody will be able to remember them all. (I hope someday, somebody will publish an "Encyclopedia of tRump" describing them all in detail.)

I've tons and tons of jewelry. About three-quarters has essentially no value, but the rest range from "worth a few dozen dollars" to "worth a few thousand dollars.

What I need is a good appraiser to show up and make sure my heirs get good money for the good stuff.

I happen to have a unique name combination. Plenty of "Poindexters" out there, lot of "Oglethorpes." Just no "Poindexter Oglethorpe".

But since you do care a lot about your obit, write it yourself. And do have someone reliable to make sure that's what goes out.

...except where you will live in us, whereupon, we can say stuff like "I think LuckyCharms would like..."

I recall taking my son to dinner when I went up to his University to discuss his graduate school plans and make recommendations.

I told him, "the only place I'll live after kicking off will be in you. If you want to honor me in any way, do so by being an honorable man yourself."

I think he got the point.

As for LuckyCharms, my pre-obituary is "A guy with a tremendous sense of humor overlain on and rising from a depth of feeling."