The DU Lounge
Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsForgive me for getting so deep here, but I read something this morning concerning pet loss...
I've probably made it pretty clear that I'm having a terribly difficult time with the loss of my dog a few days ago. I can honestly say that I've never felt so bad in my life, and I've experienced plenty of death (both human and animal).
I've been reading that my feelings are natural, because grief tends to be cumulative, and what I'm feeling is grief for both my dog, and all others that have passed in my life. My wife has an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) that offers free mental health counseling. If I'm not out of this acute phase in a couple of weeks, I will avail myself to this program.
I read something this morning that really resonated with me. These words are from a spiritual teacher named AH Almaas.
Spiritual teacher AH Almaas says that the reason we love our animals so much is that they bring forth essence within us. Essence is the qualities of our own soul. We tend to lose essence over time unless our parents or other people are there to mirror it back to us and remind us of it. We find our essence again within these soulful relationships. When our pets pass on, as they inevitably will, we have to remember the qualities they made us remember within ourselves. This is how our pets live on within us forever. They woke up something important in us that we must never forget.
ZDU
(1,611 posts)I'm sorry for your loss and hope you find peace of mind and healing in your heart
JoeOtterbein
(7,882 posts)....thanks for posting!
JoseBalow
(9,959 posts)Hang in there, you are not alone.
CrispyQ
(41,204 posts)And as we look back at the other animals in our lives, we realize the entire structure of that life has been altered, perhaps forever. It will impact them, too. It already has.
A big virtual hug to you, Lucky, during this difficult time.
Niagara
(12,475 posts)Losing a beloved fur baby is terrible.
We name them, we feed them, we bath them, we medicate them even when they resist, we play with them and spend time with them all because we love them.
Our fur babies are a part of our family. It's a hard road to get through. I still grieve for all of my feline companions.
I keep this image because it rings true for each of us.

Niagara
(12,475 posts)OldBoss
(95 posts)Ive lost dozens of pets thru the years and this lil poem always helps me.
It came to me
that every time I lose a dog
they take a piece
of my heart with them,
and every new dog
who comes into my life
gifts me with a piece
of their heart!
If I live long enough
all the components
of my heart
will become dog, and
I will become
as generous and
loving as they are.
Wild blueberry
(8,421 posts)It resonates with me as well. Our beloved pets give us so much in exchange for our care (and LOVE!) for them.
Please be kind to yourself.
Lulu KC
(8,922 posts)I don't think I'd left my bed yet a few days after my most recent pet death. Give yourself time. It's a profound connection and therefore an immensely painful separation. You have my complete sympathy.
Felicita
(91 posts)I am so devastated when I lose a dog that as soon as I am able to stop crying enough to drive, I go to the local shelters looking for another dog, not to "replace" the one I lost, but in their honor. Adopting a dog that needs a home makes me feel good about helping another loving soul. I take my time to find the right one for me. Not everyone may be in a financial or living situation to do this, but it has worked for me for many years. Training the new dog also gets your mind off your loss and brings back that "essence."
William Seger
(12,583 posts)There's a hole there that needs to be filled, and there's a 100% chance you'll love your new pet, too.
mdbl
(9,043 posts)Went and got a new puppy after two weeks. Following him around fills the hole left by my last one. I forgot how in the first year they are like toddlers and need constant supervision to keep them from hurting themselves
but the love is nice to have again.
littlemissmartypants
(35,706 posts)pansypoo53219
(23,287 posts)BurnDoubt
(1,959 posts)the bill coming due for a lifetime of little bits of Joy payed-out over years, and the Love shared in every moment. Your tears are a tribute to a lasting relationship of shared moments and Love, and proof that you are worthy to feel the loss deeply. In time, maybe these memories will hurt less and comfort more. Seek consolation in knowing that you are a person who is capable of Loving deeply and feeling compassion. These are the pinnacle of Human-ness.
I would recommend seeking counsel sooner rather than later. Chances are you may find a guide out of the pain, and it doesnt make sense to suffer needlessly.
Its good that you reach out. Dont stop. People care.
sinkingfeeling
(58,306 posts)"Farewell, Master, Yet not farewell. Where I go, ye, too, shall dwell I am gone, before your face, A moment's time, a little space. When ye come where I have stepped Ye will wonder why ye wept." After Death by Edwin Arnold
Charlie Chapulin
(412 posts)Im a dog person. Have had dogs most of my life. They were all great dogs. But this last February, on Friday the 13th no less, I unexpectedly lost my favorite at age 8 to cancer. I cried for weeks and still shed a tear here and there. Ive been to too many memorials this year as well, and havent been moved as much as with the loss of my sweet Raqui. Its that damned unconditional love.
Youll get through it. Youll dream of your pooch and it will make you smile. Dogs are the best.
mountain grammy
(29,435 posts)She wouldn't even let us pet her at the shelter.. we took her home anyway.
6 years old and a sketchy life behind her.. who knows why she cringes at loud noises or cowers when you pet her? but ever so slowly and gradually, she's letting go and letting us love her..
It's 90 degrees out and time to take her to the park.. Her big outing for the day with me hobbling on my cane, but oh how I'm falling in love with this little girl..
She will probably be my last dog.. We will face old age together, me and my Penny, and, of course, my husband.
h2ebits
(1,040 posts)I believe that grief is cumulative and at some point in each of our lives we can have a triggering event that swamps us.
In my case, it was my brother's death. While it happened during the COVID shutdown period; it was unrelated to COVID but was sudden and unexpected. He took a nap one Sunday afternoon, woke up, and told his wife to call for an ambulance. He walked out to the ambulance when it arrived. In just under a week he died. I still have moments of grieving for him.
Although my trigger was my brother, I found myself grieving past my brother into all of the losses I had sustained over the years including pets and other people. I still shed a tear or two when I think of him.
Please give yourself the time to grieve until all the tears are spent and you sort through all of your memories.
LuckyCharms
(23,457 posts)making me grieve my brother as well.
Such an intense phenomenon.
catchnrelease
(2,183 posts)Your post is so timely for me.
I had to make the decision last Tues. Our little old lady pup had fought off cancer for 3 years, but the drugs no longer worked and there were no more to try. I kept postponing calling the vet to come, but in the end I know it was cruel to keep her going. I could see she was starting to struggle.
She was almost 14yrs, so she'd had a good life with us, but this one has really hit me hard. I don't know why I felt closer to her than all of the previous pets--dogs, cats, horses, etc--but maybe the answer is in your post.
I assume we'll eventually get another furry family member, but not for awhile. I still need to cry out of the blue sometimes until thinking of her makes me laugh instead of weep.
I have a meme (that I can't get to post) that says:
Having a dog will bless you with the happiest days of your life, and one of the worst days.
100% true.
LuckyCharms
(23,457 posts)Mine was this past Tuesday as well.
Diagnosed with bladder cancer July 2025. Anti-inflammatory drugs kept him alive for almost another full year.
His back legs gave out on him suddenly on Monday night. And he would not urinate.
Looking at the way he kept falling, it appeared to be a spinal problem. I'm thinking the cancer spread to his spine.
He passed gently with an injection at the vets, with his head in my hands.
He was so gentle...such a good boy. A few hours before we took him to the vet, I was holding him in the living room chair and his paw left some scratch marks on the fabric on the arm of the chair. I spent an hour today with my hand resting on those scratch marks.
He was a few weeks shy of age 15. He had a happy life.
I feel your pain, and i wish I could take it away for you.
catchnrelease
(2,183 posts)Sending hugs to you. Sounds like there were a lot of similarities between our situations. Hang in there and let's keep thinking of what good dogs they were.
Diamond_Dog
(41,570 posts)Its the only bad thing about owning a pet.
I hope the pain eventually lessens. Please accept my deepest condolences. Thank you for sharing the wisdom of that teacher. Im probably gonna need it in a few years.
Ilikepurple
(833 posts)I euthanized a pet of 16 years a few months ago who was at the end of losing a 4 year battle with dementia. It was not my first experience holding a pet during this process, but something changed since I last did it. I had lost more friends, both parents, other family members. Like you, I was concerned about the outsized waves of sadness that followed. It felt cumulative to a degree I hadnt experienced before. It was as though I relived the emotional responses to those deaths and my understanding of mortality and loss was reified into visceral feelings marked by rumination and dread that in turn informed my understanding. I felt this feedback loop was a danger to my mental health and shared my worries and monitored their progress. Thankfully, the waves subsided and it seems my levels of grief and preoccupation is within the typical range now. I hope you find things easier as the days pass. Thank you for sharing.
LuckyCharms
(23,457 posts)Exactly.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Bumbles
(609 posts)I still mourn all my cats and dogs that left too soon - they all do, no matter their age. I have often thought how wonderful it would be if they could live as long as tortoises and parrots. That they don't makes them even more precious.
PittBlue
(4,892 posts)They asked:
Why does losing a pet hurt so much?"
I said:
Because they were never just a pet.
They were a heartbeat at your feet, a silent companion through every storm, a soul who loved you more than they loved themselves.
When they go, they take a part of you with them. But they
leave behind all the love they gave-and that's what keeps you breathing.
- Rainbow Bridge
The Roux Comes First
(2,453 posts)So sorry for your pet's demise.