Holly

I have to make sure Holly eats before I give her her insulin and she hadn't eaten since 12:30 Friday morning and she was acting very peculiar, so I took her to the emergency vet this afternoon and was there until around 10:30.

Long story short, Holly is even sicker than I feared. Not only does she have diabetes, she has a severe form of it and the doctor suspects she has something wrong with her brain or one of her internal organs because she kept walking in circles, leaning to the left, in the exam room. He tried to steer her to the right, but she kept going left. They took her back for more tests and he was telling me my options and he mentioned euthanasia. It took a minute for it to register and I said "you mean TONIGHT?" and he said yes. I completely fell apart. I wasn't expecting that at all. Holly is my healthy cat; Martini is the sick one. I've been trying to come to terms with Martini's illness and I always thought when she goes, I wouldn't get another cat right away to give Holly a chance to be an only cat. I always thought she would be happier as an only cat. She never really liked Martini and barely tolerated her. Now she'll never be an only cat.

Anyway, I completely fell apart and just kept saying No, not tonight. Not tonight. Not tonight. I am absolutely devastated. I can't handle this. When Boots died, I swore I'd never get another cat again because losing her was just too painful and now here I am again.

I asked the doctor if she's in any kind of pain but he said there's no way to tell.

I'm going to see if I can get Holly in with our regular vet on Monday and see what she says. My heart is breaking. I hate this more than I can say. Not Holly. Not my beautiful, wonderful Holly. I love her so much.

I'll tell you, this sure was a lousy way to spend Martini's birthday.