but parsing similar. Capital gains? There is still the $250K deduction isn't there? The costs of selling and moving far outweigh capital gains for most people in average housing.

As for living situation. I had such a discussion with someone recently, looking forward. Ask your Area Agency on Aging AAA if they or any county agency do lifestyle assessments for housing situation/repairs, or only financial assessments. They may have or can refer to social worker knowledgeable on such. Could be free, could involve fees. AAA may have referrals for senior housing, or evaluate listings or renters in some manner.

Senior communities and condos have HOA and fees and maintenance. Compare those to remaining in place and suffering depreciation. Those numbers are not very far apart. Monthly fees are steady, repairs are small and cheap, or major.

Learn to ask AI, and be precise in questions and followups. Cheap source of comprehensive ideas, accurate enough financial numbers without accountants. Repair advice too.

i cd probably get $1m. the work was done piecemeal, and i never kept track cuz there didnt used to b limit. i’m hoping to do the fiddly bits of the repairs myself. i havent done that kind of work for quite a while, but i’d rly, rly like to get back to it. i do have a former bathroom that is just studs now. that’s more than i wd tackle, but it’s not that big, and cd b fine for about $20k.

the house is long since paid for. i have taxes and some utilities but i have solar so my elec is negligible. the taxes arent cheap, but i can afford them.

i wouldnt use ai to save my soul.

and the hallucinations it's always likely to produce, without warning that its answers can always be wrong - while sounding convincing - and need to be verified by checking.

So inaccurate I've seen genAI models called bullshit machines.

It's safest and smartest to do your own research and get info from reliable sources. And unfortunately, because AI is polluting so much of the internet, you can run across AI-generated articles and entirely AI-generated websites in the last couple of years. When some magazines that have been around for years tried having AI write articles, supposedly proofread by humans, they found AI articles getting published with incorrect and even very harmful financial and health advice - which was caught later and exposed by magazines like Futurism.

Generative AI companies typically include a warning for users of their tools, letting them know the AI answers might be wrong and should always be checked. The companies do that not out of humility or real consideration for their users, but out of fear of being sued when their malfunctioning tools' inevitable wrong answers cause harm.

and it’s so hard to get away from it now. like we needed something to make us dumber….

as far as repair costs, i can pretty much guess at them. i’ve done a lot of those types of projects. i also have some sources for recycled stuff that have saved me a ton of money. part of the greatness of a city like chicago.

i have a couple ppl who r good financial advisors.

when the need arises. Hopefully, your family. Not necessarily in the same home, but near enough that they can come when you need them, which will inevitably happen - hopefully later rather than sooner.
Senior living may be necessary at some point, but, unless you want or need someone else managing the hours and details of your life, I'd stay away at this point.

i’m not on good terms w 4 of the 5 kids. 2 of them, i’m fine w it. they’ve used and abused me. not physically, but financially and emotionally. the upside of my health scare is that middle child and i r back in touch. she’s in nyc, but she maybe b able to come when i have my follow up surgery.
i do have some great neighbors. i’ve just been pulled back in my shell. (the guy who stepped up has been talking about selling and moving on, but so far, he hasnt moved. )

when the time comes i shd b able to pay someone to live in, if i can find 1. they’re out there. but just a roomie to call 911 if i have a stroke wd b good.
at least my current sitch is finite. i’ll b fine. if it was cancer…

And to forgive or let slide some of their peccadillos, in the interest of our long-term needs and goals. Maybe not easy, but worth it in the long term.
Know yourself re having roomie/boarder - if you and your kids have problems getting along, aren't the same problems possible/probable with roomie?
I'm considering day-help myself - I'm in my late 80's, well-situated in one-floor home.
I've seen too much of long-term care with family & friends that I'm wary of voluntarily going that route. Administrators, social workers and medical personnel who think they know what is better for you than your own knowledge of your needs and wants. Plus they know your financial resources and recommend service upgrades as "necessary" and/or the overall care costs keep rising.

tbh, i was grateful it’s a big house. i cd avoid them if i wanted to.
1 was fine, the other was pretty handicapped, something she sorta hid. we were supposed to get together to talk it over, then shit happened where she was and she left in a hurry. so i was hoping for someone to pitch in some, and didnt get that. she’d been isolated for a long time and was kinda needy.

it is something i worry about. but your kids r different. if my roomie is a loser, that’s not on me. your kids, u feel like u have to do something.

but yeah, i dont like the idea of administrators in my life, either.

I'm independent.

I like it a lot. No yard to fuss with. Don't need to cook, if I don't want. In fact, I only have a kitchenette (no stove, just two burner top, microwave, and fridge.) Every week there are various events: trips to local museums or sights, lunch out somewhere on Fridays, karaoke, stuff like that. It's up to me how much to do, how much time to spend alone or with others. Plus, of course, I do other things (like Trivia) unconnected to my living place.

I have two cats myself, and I'd say nearly half the residents have a cat or dog or two. Unless you have very large dogs, yours shouldn't be a problem.

It's been my observation over the years that most people put off this kind of move by two, three, four, or more years. Don't be that way. Yes, I understand you put in a lot of work to your place, and you will miss it dreadfully if you leave. But sometimes it is just time to move on.

In short, I really like it here. I'm in Santa Fe, and at dinner these days we mostly trash-talk Trump and all Republicans.

had dementia, and it took too long for us to figure out. she had a rly hard time of it. they had to cut her phone, cuz she kept calling and trying to get us to come get her. she rly had no idea.

i am trying to shed as much crap as i can so it isnt such a huge thing just to move.
i was feeling like it was time, but now that i have my health back, almost, i’m not so sure.

no administrators or medical people hovering over us, trying to move us into more assisted.

And again, I have seen over and over that people delay way too long to get into assisted, or even independent living as I am. I honestly think that's far worse than staying independent, worse yet living alone, when they have no business any more being by themselves.

It matters a lot whether or not you have family nearby who are willing and able to help. I have one child, My Son The Astronomer, and as wonderful as he is, he's not the kind of person who will take care of Mom in her dotage. And that's fine with me. I've made the start by moving to this place, and will be able to put in place whatever I need going down the road.

But it is like the proverbial "frog in gradually heating water doesn't notice it get up to boiling". That said there are some resources for "aging in place", but it might be too isolated. There is a different kind of isolation in senior settings. Please get guidance on how senior ready your house is currently, one bad fall can really change things. Get a work up of your financial and legal situations so things are ready, they are chores and won't be fun. It is crucial to get as ready as you can before you need it. Especially start shopping for places first online and then check the ones you like in person.

if need be, i can inquire. i personally visit a few for work.

my boss would know quite a bit.

preferably this neighborhood. i rly, rly love this place.

at all to find a good place for you. Especially in a large city, like Chicago.

my bigger question is my ability to get along w ppl long term in a sitch where i cant get away.

Even if you personally are the most difficult person in the entire world, if you choose, you can completely avoid everyone almost all the time in any kind of assisted/independent living facility. But I honestly expect you would find enough residents you'll get along with, to make such a transition worthwhile. Just look at your friends on DU.

Plus, speaking from experience, these places often have amenities and facilities that make senior living good. Transportation to doctors, restaurants, stores. Where I am, anyone who doesn't despise Trump is not speaking up.

I want to encourage you to look at your entire life: physically, emotionally, financially, all relatives considered, and figure out if staying where you are really is the right thing. From what you've said, it may well be, and lucky you for that.

But in any case, group living can be excellent. My situation is not at all like the Golden Girls, who shared a home with several bedrooms. This is an apartment in a three-story building, about 60 or so apartments altogether. A dining room, where three meals are fixed every day. My plan here allows for two meals, and I typically have breakfast and dinner here. Small animals are allowed. I have two cats, and plenty of residents have a dog or two.

Again, I want to emphasize the independence a person has in one of these places. If you are even remotely considering such change, absolutely visit the place you are considering. Better yet, some have unit that potential residents can stay in for a day or two, just to see what the place is all about. Mine doesn't, which is a shame.

Whatever you decide, it's good you are examining your life, what's going on, and what you want and need going forward. I hope you keep us posted on your decision.

But haven't bought in yet.
It's very nice and convenient, and supposedly you get to stay there for life. This is a non-profit and there's a foundation that pays for those residents who run out of money (supposedly-- I don't trust anything longterm .

We go out there for functions and whisper, "Everyone is so OLD." Most are over 80. Some are very active, playing pickleball and doing aerobics and all. But there are a lot of people on walkers too. We're still pretty spry and don't feel ready yet, so we're keeping our house for the time being. We are decluttering and selling stuff off to get rid of junk slowly-- no matter what we decide to do, that will be useful.

My big problem is, predictably, DEI. It's mostly old white people. We live in a diverse community now, but this place is moderately pricey, so it's mostly upper-middle class. It's also, of course, just old people, meaning much less involvement with kids and teens and young families. (I'm a schoolteacher, so young people matter to me.) I don't like the whole gated community system, after living in a walkable neighborhood in the middle of town where I constantly encounter people I don't know. Also I live in a blue area, and am used to complaining about Trump without offending anyone. Probably there are a lot of Trumpers in the retirement villages (though also a lot of non-trumpers, or so the local Dem precinct committeeperson told me).

But... it's really very nice and very convenient, and we can't count on always being able to walk into town or deal with our own household chores. Right now we're putting it off for a few years. But, you know, one broken hip and we might decide to hurry it up.

I like the idea of a built-in social life and lots of activities. Whether I (the late-in-life introvert) will take advantage of that, I don't know. But it's nice to consider that there could be a concert tonight and it's a golf-cart ride away, not all the way downtown with the parking issues. And I'd love to have a nearby bookclub and walking buddies, since my local walking buddy is ... moving to a senior community.

There are just so many considerations! I was even slightly tempted by "Margaritaville," which is, yes, a retirement village for old stoners, I guess. I also was interested in "intentional communities" which have more of a mix of residents.
https://time.com/intentional-communities/

I guess I'd ask you-- first, what about finances?

I know my house capital gain will be less than the exempted amount, but it sounds like yours will be more. I saw this article about it. I was hoping you could just quick re-invest in a new house without tax, but they got rid of that.
https://smartasset.com/taxes/sell-house-750k-for-retirement-home-capital-gains

Animals probably aren't a problem in most communities-- well, maybe not 2 Great Danes, but smaller pets, I see them at these retirement places.
I am with you-- love my house, love my neighborhood. But the house needs a lot of work-- same thing, not dealbreakers for me, but you know, renters would want a working dishwasher and so on.
You have a great space, so maybe you have more options, like having a younger/older (I mean, like 50) lady living with you and helping out for reduced rent, or a college student or two who can do chores, maybe even one who can FIX THINGS.

There are also "over-55" communities which aren't as all-encompassing but still have some amenities and socializing.

It's a very hard decision. We keep going back and forth. I just have this feeling it's like retiring from life, you know? I know it's not-- you don't have to answer to anyone just because you live there. You can still leave and have a job and go on long trips (with a maintenance crew for the apartment even!). But it... just feels like kind of checking out of the life that involves inconvenience and kids at the bus stop and volunteering and being involved.

i’d sell it all and have no worries.
there is a bldg near here where a friend lives. it’s a rly nice place w lots of activities and amenities. right on the lake. i’m sure it’s pretty spendy, but the friend who lives there is a retired nurse. no idea if she has other means.
i will say, tho, that the entertainment seems mostly kinda stodgy. i probably wouldnt partake that much. it’s still the city, tho. easy to get out and do things.
folks seem pretty active. about 75 of them came out to protest a recent tsf debacle, right in front ot the bldg. on a very busy street.

not having to worry about taking care of all this stuff is pretty damn tempting.

Not only are they against Trump, they're activists!
You'll fit right in.

is only a fb friend, but a friend of a friend from abortion activism back in the 80’s. so i know a lot of what goes on there from her fb posts.

it’s a gorgeous property, connected to what used to be an iconic chgo hotel. they did put a big, busy road through what used to be a beach. but there’s still plenty of beach, not that i’m much of a beach person.
it’s in a real nice hood, too, tho not as diverse/funky as mine. kinda bougie. i lived there for about 4 yrs b4 we bought here. lots of nice restaurants and small businesses of all kinds. i visit fairly often.

there’s a couple nice 1s over the border into evanston. very spendy tho, and i have a pretty low opinion of the city. def very white and wealthy joints.

2 young grands and their 'pup' on a river; will/may move into their large house nearby some time, in their lower level 'apartment.'

May all continue well for you.

seem like good eggs. but it’s nice to have a separate space.
my sister wanted my mom to move in w her, but she couldnt stand my bil. he is a jackass sometimes. not nearly as funny as he thinks he is.

'Downstairs' is pretty separate, living room, kitchen-ette (with bar for parties,) and 2 tvs, one in bedroom, both with views of river (and a pond.)

Last edited Sun Apr 27, 2025, 08:33 AM - Edit history (1)

Cons: some can be very 'clique-ish' ~ gossipy ~ think Junior High School ~ some have very costly buy-ins (not ours ~ we have month to month rent)

Pros: Many have an activities Director ~ Many have a club house with meeting rooms/card rooms, swimming pool, ballroom/activity room/ golf course ~ fitness center ~ I learned to line dance plus Other dance lessons ~ Organized game nights ~ outside entertainment brought in ~ Artsy-craftsy kinds of activities ~ Speakers ~ Movies ~ no one asks you to baby-sit ~ gets you around people ~ some have transportation to appointments/shopping

Mind you I live in the East Valley of the Phoenix Metro area ~ lots and lots of Seniors here. Used to lived in an Over 55 Active Community in a Manufactured Home,,,, Now we are in Senior Independent Living Apartments ~ these have all of the above "Pro" plus they cook our meals and we can go to eat in a Community Dining room or deliver to our apartment or we can do our own cooking and they clean our apartments (if we want ~ every week) ~ Dogs only on the ground floor and cannot be in the indoor areas, we have very small patios to take our dog out around the property for a walk ~ a company that does physical therapy has an office here in the building,,, covered parking or garages for those that still have cars,,,,

folks that live these apartments range in age from 70s to 90s and are mostly healthy.

It was a good decision for us to move here. My Husband is less social than I,,,, so we are both pleased.

But I will say we are spending the children's inheritance. There wasn't a huge amount anyway but,,,


on edit: I took this from another post I made in March and added to it.

i’ve been the subject of much gossip in my life. even, or maybe especially, in my family. i tell my sibs the problem is that they love to talk about me, but they dont talk to me. they talk to my kids, esp the bipolar 1. of course, much of what is said is just plain not true, or at least twisted.

spending my last days w that shit gives me the willies.

Just ignore it. Unless the gossip is about things you really need to be thinking about, or changing, or simply isn't true at all, in which case, just ignore. I think I said that already.

Meanwhile, it does not seem as though people here gossip about others in any but the tiniest amounts. And even then, it's more on the order of: "The reason John isn't at dinner tonight is because he's out with his son and grandsons." Or, "Did you know Naureen got out of the hospital yesterday?" It's simply not on the level of noticing or commenting on anything remotely personal to anyone. It's not.

So fear of gossip isn't a remotely reasonable thing to keep you from independent/assisted living.

yeah. online friends r easy. but i have been banned here 3 times, so…
life is different. and i suck at ignoring bad shit.
i think the trouble is i scare ppl, esp men. it’s something that doesnt make much sense to me. it’s not like i punch ppl. but i dont take shit, and that upsets a lot of ppl. and i do come from witches, back in the tree. i have a tat that says- you say i’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing. i rly try to only use it for good. but ppl seem to sense it, even if they never see it.
i’ve been in many orgs and boards where there is 1 person who, if i say it, they’re agin it. and it can b rly corrosive to the cause. being stuck in that, not able to just walk away….
i guess it’s something i’m rly insecure about. i dont consider just talking about stuff to b gossip. “what’s wrong w her?”, that’s gossip. judgement. i’ve had enough of that.

what you are describing. At least here, people mostly don't give a flying fuck about anyone else's life. Unless you are aggressive about what you say to people, at least if you were here, no one would care much. You'd get ignored, perhaps somewhat isolated, depending on how vocal you might be about your opinions. Most people here just don't offer much in the way of political opinions.

Just don't go out of your way to offend anyone.

they’ll b middle age by the time i die, unless something happens. so it wont b that much help anyway. i guess i cd finance their old age.
if i stay in my home, i’ll likely get a reverse mortgage. i have 1 kid who is attached to the house, but she’s in nyc, and unlikely to come back here. i can always sell my other properties. the 2flat is steady income, but also work and grief. property values in this hood have risen steadily. it’s badly undervalued, due to the systemic racism in appraisals. the more that fades away, the better for me.

of course, a nice young 3rd husband wd solve all this, wouldnt it?

After all, it's your money.

I'm trying to start spending down my semi-vast fortune. A little sarcasm there, but I do have savings that I am going to start spending, taking small trips, treating myself to nicer restaurants, buy better shoes, stuff like that. My only son has plenty of money of his own, so I think I'm going to re-write my will to leave sums to people or organizations I consider worthwhile.

Then you are ready to get set up for being elderly. Depending on your finances you might be able to do it with a live in aid. The other options are senior apartments. The top is a Continuing Care Retirement Community, that has independent, assistive and nursing facilities. This is the most expensive option but it sounds like you are starting with more resources than my Mom did. The upside is you will be in a community setting with any of these. I'd suggest start actually looking a specific places near you and see what even looks worthy of consideration. I hope you can find a good accountant and a lawyer who can do elder planning as there are pitfalls with any of those choices. Best wishes for a comfortable and happy senior years.

i rly was so low grade sick for so long, i felt older than i was. but it will catch up w me at some point.

It's a retirement community with lots of options: single family homes in a wide range of sizes, duplexes, quadplexes, condos, and independent living with meals provided. That might not click all the boxes, I think there is also a "memory care" sort of facility too. You must be at least 55 years old to live here, although there are some exceptions, like spouses under 55.

The houses are built with seniors in mind, e.g. single story, no stairs. Many are small-ish, reflecting the needs of seniors who live alone or as couples whose families are grown and living elsewhere. I've never visited any of the condos though. There are also numerous recreation centers (eight I think) with pools and spas, gyms, indoor and outdoor tracks, two Maricopa County public libraries, restaurants, meeting spaces and rehearsal rooms, and a vast diversity of clubs organized around a host of different interests and social activities. These clubs have great facilities-- for example I belong to a camera club that provides a large format professional Canon photo printer, computers and software, a complete studio, display spaces, a library, microscopes, projection spaces, matting and framing equipment, and so on. Members of our club are regular winners at statewide Arizona Camera Club Council (ACCC) competitions. There is also a Democratic club (and a Republican club, too). If you visit the Sun City recreation centers web site (https://suncityaz.org/) there is a link to all the rec center clubs, and there are others organized by residents from their homes. There are lots of outlets to help keep us from becoming too isolated, and also free or low cost meals are available for those who prefer to join others for meals, or have them delivered to their homes. There is also a wonderful service providing free loans of stuff like walkers, wheel chairs, toilet seats, and a bunch of other medical equipment for seniors.

Anyway, we really like it here. Summers are hot, of course, but eight months a year are lovely-- currently it's 69 F, clear and sunny, 26% relative humidity. The cost of living is WAY lower than it was in California. Health care is easily available and of a quality far exceeding our little rural hospital in northern Humboldt County. Sun City has about 30,000 residents and there are several other retirement communities nearby, so senior medical needs are well served here. I speak from experience.