It is to laugh - Some reprint text jokes from last year for any who missed them.

Cleaning out some folders!
(Apologies if you've heard them)

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A guy is driving along the highway to Mar-a-Lago and he finds himself in the middle of a massive traffic jam that is blocking up five different freeways and sending lines of cars back for miles in all directions. After a while, he notices a guy walking from car to car down the freeway, stopping and talking to people through their car windows. When the guy reaches him he rolls down his window and says,
"Hey! What's causing all this delay?" The guy on the freeways says, Well, you're not going to believe this, but Donald Trump has sat down in the middle of the freeway intersection up there, and he's totally distraught, and he says there's no way he can ever pay the $455 million he owes, and so he's threatened to douse himself in gasoline and set himself afire if people don't give enough money sufficient to cover the cost of the judgement. So I've taken up a collection to try to end the traffic jam." "How much have you got so far."
"About ten gallons."

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A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as Trump appeared on the television. After a few sips, he looked up at the television and mumbled, "Now, there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen." A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and decked him.

A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, Melania appeared on the television. "She's a horse's ass too," the man. This time, a customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and knocked him off his stool. "Damn it!" the man said, climbing back up to the bar. "This must be Trump country!"

"Nope," the bartender replied. "Horse country!"

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10,000 Maga Trump Faithful meet at a stadium near Mar-a-Lago for a "Magas Are Not Stupid Convention." The MC says "We are all here today to prove to the world that Maga Trumpers are not stupid. Mr. Trump is going to take a test to show his intelligence.
Trump steps up. The MC says to him "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds he says "Eighteen." The MC says, "I'm sorry, that's wrong." Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 10,000 Trumpers start cheering "Give him another chance, give him another chance."
The MC says "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 10,000 of you here and the world wide press, I guess we can give him another chance." So he says "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds, Trump eventually says "Ninety?"
The MC sighs - everyone is crestfallen and Trump looks confused and the 10,000 Trumpers start yelling "Give him another chance, give him another chance." The MC, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says "OK! One more chance. What is 2 plus 2?" Trump closes his eyes and after a whole minute eventually says "Four." Around the stadium The 10,000 Maga Trumpers start yelling "Give him another chance, give him another chance."

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On Judgement Day, two Maga Trumpers meet God at the pearly gates and God asks them if they have any questions. One says “yes, please tell us the true results of the 2020 presidential election.” God tells them that the election was not rigged and that Biden won the presidency fair and square. The guy turns towards his friend and whispers, “looks like this fraud goes higher up than we ever imagined”

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Three maga trumpers died in a car crash trying to jump the Grand Canyon and are at the pearly gates of Heaven. St Peter tells them that they can enter the gates only if they can seperately answer one simple religious question. The question posed by St. Peter is "What is Easter"?
The first trumper replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey and are thankful..."
"Wrong!, You are not welcome here, I'm afraid. You must go to the other place!" replies St. Peter.
He turns to the second trumper, and asks the same question: "What is Easter?"
The second trumper replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."
St. Peter looks at the second trumper, bangs his head on the pearly gates in disgust and says, "wrong, and you will have to join your friend in the other place. You two are not welcome in Heaven."
He then peers over his glasses at the third maga trumper and asks, "Do YOU know what Easter is"?
The third maga trumper smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is."
"Oh?" says St Peter, incredulously.
"Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands and feet. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder."
St. Peter smiled broadly with delight. The third maga trumper continued. "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter.

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Trump went to the Post Office to buy stamps for Melania's Christmas cards.
"What Denomination?" asked the clerk.
"Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said Trump. "Well, give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic."

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Presidential Tragedy

President Trump is visiting an elementary school today and he
visits one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion
related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asks Trump if he would like to lead the class in the
discussion of the word, "tragedy."
So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy."
One little boy stands up and offers, "If my best friend, who lives next
door, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over,
that would be a tragedy."
"No," says Trump, "that would be an ACCIDENT."
A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children
drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explains Mr. President. "That's what we would call a
GREAT LOSS."
The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President Trump
searches the room.
"Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally, way in the back of the room, a small boy raises his hand. In a
quiet voice he says, "If Air Force One, carrying Mr. and Mrs. Trump, were
struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, by a terrorist, that would be a tragedy."
"Fantastic," exclaims Trump, "that's right. And can you tell me WHY that
would be a TRAGEDY?"
"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it
certainly wouldn't be a great loss."

Some baudy humor

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber, taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum." The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?"

"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does!"

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One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair.
Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.
Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" They ask.
"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart.

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Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon, the pastor came to call on her, and she showed him into her living room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared some tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and cookies they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange contents, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
“Miss Bea,” he said, pointing to the bowl, “I wonder if you would tell me about this?”
“Oh, yes,” she replied, “isn’t it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent the spread of disease. And you know, I haven’t had a cold all winter.”

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A man was concerned about his failing eyesight and went to an optician. The optician said the man should stop masturbating.
The man asked, “Will I go blind?’
The optician said, “No, but you are upsetting all the people in the waiting room.”

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Usually everyone who has a dog would call him Rover or something, well I call mine “Sex”. Sex is a very embarrassing name, but I never knew how embarrassing until one day I took Sex for a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for him. A police officer came along and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o’clock in the morning. I said, “I was looking for Sex.”
My court case comes up next Thursday.
One day I went to City Hall to get a license for Sex. The clerk asked me what I wanted, I told him I wanted a license for Sex. He said “I would like to have one too!” When I said “But this is a dog,” he said he didn’t care what she looked like. Then I said, “You don’t understand. I’ve had Sex since I was two years old.”
He replied, “You must have been a strong boy.”
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I wanted to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding. I said, “But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole lifestyle revolves around Sex.”
He said he did not want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in a church. I told him everyone coming to the wedding would enjoy having Sex there. The next day we were married by the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church.
My wife and I took the dog along with us on the honeymoon. When I checked into the motel I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and myself and a special room for Sex. The clerk said that every room in the Motel is for Sex. Then I said, “You don’t understand. Sex keeps me awake at night”, and the clerk said,”Me too.”
One day I told my friend that I had Sex on TV. He said, “Show off!” I told him it was a contest, and he told me I should have sold tickets.
When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, “Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married” and the Judge said, “Me too.”
When I told him that after I was married Sex had left me, he said, “Me too.”
Well now I’ve been thrown in jail, been married, divorced and had more trouble with that dog than I ever gambled for. Why just the other day when I went for my first visit with the psychiatrist and she asked me, “What seems to be the trouble?”
I replied, “Well, Sex has died and left my life. It’s like losing a best friend and it’s so lonely.”
The doctor said, “Look Mister, you and I both know that sex isn’t man’s best friend. Why not get yourself a dog?”

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A man and a woman are sitting beside each other on a flight to New York.
The woman sneezes, takes out a tissue, gently wipes her nose and then visibly shudders for about ten seconds.
A few minutes later the woman sneezes again. Once more, she takes a tissue, wipes her nose and then shudders.
A few more minutes pass before the woman sneezes and violently shudders again.
Curious, the man says, “I can’t help noticing that you shudder every time you sneeze. Are you OK?”
“I’m so sorry if I’m disturbing you,” says the woman. “I’m suffering from a very rare medical condition. Whenever I sneeze, I have an orgasm.”
“Are you taking anything for it?” he asks.
“Yes,” says the woman. “Pepper.”

Some More Bawwwdy Humor

This old woman was in her attic with her cat (whom she loved very much) when she saw an old bottle. She started wiping the bottle and a genie appeared. The genie told her she would grant her three wishes. So the old woman wished to become a beautiful young woman and, POOF, she became a very beautiful young woman. Then she wished to have her house full of money from the floor to the ceiling and, POOF, her house filled up with money. Her last wish was for her beloved cat to become
this gorgeous young hunk of a man, and, POOF, her cat became the biggest hunk she ever laid eyes on.
She looked at the man and said, “I love you.” The man replied, “I love you too, but now don’t you wish you hadn’t had me neutered?”

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A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous and sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her.
The young woman noticed his overly attentive stare and walked directly towards him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, “I’ll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition.”
Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was. The young woman replied, “You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.”
The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman’s hand. He looked into her eyes and slowly, meaningfully, said, “Paint my house.”

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A couple had been married for 20 years and every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the lights. Well, after 20 years the wife finally felt this was ridiculous thinking her husband had a sexual problem. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she suddenly turned on the lights.
She looked down ... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a "real one".
She went completely ballistic. "You impotent *******," she screamed at him,"how could you be faking your love to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
"I'll explain the toy... you explain the kids."

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A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.
"Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before.''
The doctor reassured her, ''A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?''
''On my testicles, which is something else I want to talk to you about...,'' replied the lady.

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There's a woman that has a big problem when it came to farting. She farts all the time, yet is never be able to smell or hear them. So one day she decides to go to the doctor about the problem. She tells him how she is always leaving these long, hard farts that she can never smell or hear.
The doctor thinks about it and sends her home with some pills, telling her to come back a week later. When she comes back to his office, she tells him how she still is having these horrible farts, but now they smell like rotting eggs. The doctor's only reaction to this was... "It's good to know we cleared up your sinuses. Now to work on your hearing...."

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A wealthy couple prepared to go out for the evening. The woman of the house gave their butler, Jervis, the night off. She said they would return home very late, and she hoped he would enjoy his evening. The wife wasn’t having a good time at the party, so she came home early, alone. Her husband stayed there, socializing with important clients.
As the woman walked into her house, she found Jervis by himself in the dining room. She called him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom. She turned to him and said, in a voice she knew he must obey, “Jervis, I want you to take off my dress.” This he did, hanging it carefully over a chair.
“Jervis,” she continued, “now take off my stockings and garter belt.” Again, Jervis silently obeyed.
“Now, Jervis, I want you to remove my bra and panties.”
Eyes downcast, Jervis obeyed. Both were breathing heavily, the tension mounting between them.
She looked sternly at him and said, “Jervis, if I ever catch you wearing my stuff again, you’re fired!”

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A noted sex therapist was giving a talk about the frequency of love-making to a group of 100 men. To determine how these men compared to the national average, he offered some comparisons.
“Those of you that have sex 5 times a week are well above average. How many of you get it 5 times a week?” he asked. 20 men raised their hands. Sitting in the back of the room was a very old man, with his arms folded and a huge grin on his face.
“Those of you that have sex 2 to 3 times a week are considered average. How many of you guys get it 2 or 3 times a week?” he asked. 30 guys raised their hands. He noticed the little old man in the back smiling even larger and was curious about his demeanor.
“Next we have the guys slightly lower than average. If you get it once a week, you are just under the average. How many of you get it once a week?” 25 guys raised their hands. The little old man continued smiling and the sex therapist was really curious now. He had to find out about this guy!
“If you’re below average, you only get it once a month. How many of you get it once a month?” 15 men slowly put up their hands. The little old man was still sitting, smiling with his arms folded. The sex therapist was really, really curious now.
“And if you are at the bottom of the study and well below average, you only get it once every 3 or 4 months! How many of you are in that category?” 9 guys reluctantly raised their hands. The little old man just smiled bigger and bigger.
This was too much for the sex therapist. He had to ask this old man about his sex life.
“Excuse me”, he asked. “You don’t get it 5 times a week, you don’t get it the average 2 or 3 times a week, you don’t get it once a week or even once a month”, he said. “You don’t even get it a couple of times a year”, he cried.
“I’ve gotta know, how many times do you get it?” he asked.
The little old man replied,” Sonny, I get it once every ten years.”
“ONCE EVERY TEN YEARS!” the sex therapist exclaimed. “Why are you smiling, then?” he asked.
The little old man leaned back in his chair, put his hands behind his head and smiling, he said, “Tonight’s the Night!”

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Two old retirees are taking a trip down memory lane and have gone on vacation back to the place where they first met. While sitting at a café the little old man says, “Remember the first time I met you over fifty years ago? We left this café, went around the corner behind the factory and we indulged in some tawdy fun?”
“Why, yes, I remember it well, dear,” replies the little old lady with a grin.
“Well, for old time’s sake, let’s go there again and try it again.”
The two retirees pay their bill and leave the café. A young man sitting next to them has overheard the conversation and smiles to himself, thinking it would be quite amusing to see two old retirees going at it. He gets up and follows them. Sure enough, he sees the two retirees near the factory.
The little old lady pulls off her panties and lifts up her dress. The old man pulls down his pants and grabs the lady’s hips and the little old lady then reaches for the fence.
Well, what follows is forty minutes of the most athletic sex the man has ever seen. The little old man is banging away at the little old woman at a pace that can only be described as phenomenal. Limbs are flying everywhere, the movement is a blur, and they do not stop for a single second. Finally, they collapse and don’t move for an hour.
The man is stunned. Never in his life has he ever seen anything that equates to this, not in the movies, not from his friends, not from his own experiences. Reflecting on what he has just seen, he says to himself, “I have to know his secret. If only I could do that now, let alone in fifty years time!”
The two old retirees have by this time recovered and dressed themselves. Gathering the courage he approaches the older man. He says, “Sir, in all my life I have never seen anybody have sex like that, particularly at your age. What’s your secret? Could you do it like that fifty years ago?”
The retiree replies, “Son, fifty years ago that freaking fence wasn’t electric.