There are a variety of modifiers for types of bigotry. There is "blatant", which is obviously in your face. There are "dog whistle" types of bigotry, which are more subtle, but not so much so to fly over the heads of the intended audience. There is "kitchen table" or "living room" bigotry, which describes the kind of bigotry that some discuss in their "living rooms/kitchen tables" (this can include websites), that they would never say or admit to in a public setting. There is "paternal/maternal" bigotry, which is similar to what you describe. It is a subtle, but unmistaken, form of bigotry, sometimes not even on the radar of the speaker, in which the non-minority involved feels superior in some way, as if the minority in question is a "child" of sorts. Again, this may not even be obvious to the person committing the bigotry; think, "white knight savior" trope in many movies. This type of bigotry is malignant because they perpetrator may think they are being "woke" or even "heroic" without realizing how patronizing they are being and when confronted can get very defensive.

Some forms almost seem unique to anti-Semitism, such as redefining anti-Semitism in order to include others, usually those who have been perpetrators, or more often, to exclude Jews. The closest thing I can think of in this type of bigotry is the concept often spewed by the aggrieved White majority, "reverse racism."

There are various, ages old, anti-Semitic tropes. Like a virus, anti-Semitism has "learned" to survive and adapt to fit the needs of the modern users and the new surroundings.

"Oh, but I don't mean YOU."

BTA has a strong understanding of my family background. I won't get into it here.

As a Black woman - the quote above? Too many times to count in my 52 years. I was prepared by my parents to address it immediately without throwing hands. I reserved that for direct attacks on my mom for being a "you know what" lover.

What I wasn't prepared for? anti-Semitism. Be it polite or overt.

I have gotten much better at it the past 5 or 6 years. October 7 broke what was left of my soul after the public lynching of George Floyd. I've been absolutely acidic the past few years.

People will say things to me not realizing what my family background is.When I say it is real - I mean it.

It may not seem like it because it is everywhere. But you do have allies. And it's incumbent on us (allies) to be vicious and cruel in retaliation. Even if we are 3 generations removed. I will never turn my back on Grammy Hannie (mom's paternal grandmother). Too many custom made dolls that looked like me.

Because I've often thought about people being ripped from their homes, shipped across the sea, separated from their families, sold in a market and forced to work for the rest of their lives to make somebody else rich. That's fucking evil.

Jewish/Black

WE are Americans too.

It's the not being a traditional Christian of one of their approved denominations that's the problem with those people.
"I'm not better than anyone else, I'm just forgiven - have a Blessed Day!"

I live in the rural south, so I've heard it. It's just like being white and having the racists and bigots out themselves to you...which I've also experienced.

It is not patronizing or condescending, it is outright hostile. It has been used almost exclusively by hardcore antisemites to label their Jewish (not Zionist) targets. It has a history that goes back over a century, and still there are people who refuse to acknowledge it to be antisemitic.

The stealth antisemitism you are referring to comes from an unquestionable core presumption that Jews are always up to something nefarious. This presumption requires no evidence for justification. On the contrary, it is the unshakable cornerstone of antisemitism. In the absence of this presumption, antisemitism ceases to exist.

In your case, when this unshakable core foundation has been challenged by the fact of you being a nice and harmless person that the people who got to know you cannot deny, most of them will still find it impossible to abandon their core belief That's when they turn to condescending sympathy for the poor stupid Jew who doesn't realize how evil he is.

It takes a lot more honesty and self-confidence to admit that being antisemitic is the evil side of this relationship.

No. This is a "good Christian" feeling sorry for you because they KNOW you're going to HELL. You can hear it in their voice without them saying anything to malign me or the Jews. It's in their tone. It's difficult to describe if you haven't heard it.

everything about them, and it is independent of someone’s background.

When someone says because I am “some demographic or ethnic background”, I can’t be anti that, is the most flawed argument. There are plenty of self-hating people who express their anti-self-hating sentiment, and ironically I think for some it is to be “fashionable”, or accepted.

I got “jewed” slurs, to “Christ killer and how I would burn in hell” because I was Jewish when I was a kid.