In my opinion funerals/memorials are for the living to celebrate the deceased's life and/or aid in the mourning process. Do you want or need either or both?

She didn’t respect you in life. Why does she deserve respect now?

I wouldn't. ❤️

The only thing that I can add to your thought process is that, in my life, the only things that I regret are the things I did not do, as generally, they were opportunities missed.

They didn’t care for my mom, but by not attending, i felt they were somehow punishing me and my siblings for something or somethings she did. We had no control over her behavior.
I believe funerals are not only about honoring the dead, but showing compassion and love for family and friends that are still alive.

threshold from which to move forward.

But every situation is different. What do you want to do?

the things you needed to tell her?:

Telling your abuser to her face is recommended for closure.

Even though she disappointed you in life, you need to go for your peace of mind.

My only living brother did not attend. None of her seven grandchildren attended. Only one aunt and uncle attended.

The largest group represented were people from her church.

I don't have to be hateful just because she was.

It will probably be a day of decision.

If I go, there will be a lot of hypocrisy going on, especially the religious kind.

I am not in the best of health.

Although, I am in complete remission of lymphoma, when it returned in 2019, it returned near my spinal column.
And it may have created long term back problems.

OT: If I had the money i would emigrate to Germany or Europe or Canada.
There is some promising back treatment developed by a German pharmaceutical company.