Bereavement
Related: About this forumMy 41-year-old nephew died suddenly yesterday.
Tom was a firefighter and paramedic in a Chicago suburb. He had been married for 14 years and had a 13-year-old son, as well as four grown stepchildren.
He had some sort of fall at home, I still don't know the details. But he hit his head on something and had a big gash from it. His wife tried to get him to go to the ER, but he refused. That happened on Thursday.
Yesterday, he collapsed at home. His wife called the ambulance. His heart stopped while the paramedics were there, but they brought him back. At the hospital, a trauma surgeon determined that it was a massive TBI and that he'd suffered a serious brain bleed and he wouldn't survive.
His wife, son, parents and one of his two sisters were with him when they shut off whatever life supports they had put him on. The mayor of the town he worked for, his fire chief and many of his fellow firefighters also were on hand. The support was amazing.
This is devastating because it was so unexpected and so fast. He had survived cancer 13 years ago with no recurrence. He was strong, he was healthy, he had years ahead of him.
I last saw him three weeks ago tonight. We talked about the future. Now he has none. Thanks for listening.
DUgosh
(3,127 posts)For your tremendous loss
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)spooky3
(38,147 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)Irish_Dem
(78,031 posts)What a tragedy for everyone.
Hugs to you.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)MontanaMama
(24,589 posts)This is just awful. I am so very sorry, gaot.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)He was way too young.
CottonBear
(21,615 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)Rorey
(8,514 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)AJT
(5,240 posts)A sudden death is shocking and hard to wrap your head around. I lost my husband suddenly and I am still lost after 3 years. For his son to lose his male role model during his early teens is devastating. It is a comfort that the family has a support system. Again, I am so sorry for your families pain.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)Please accept my condolences for the loss of your husband.
Equomba
(197 posts)My wife and I often talk about how we are just one step away from getting hit by the proverbial bus, i.e. who knows what the next day will bring. I have a 36 year old nephew, married with an absolutely incredible daughter... he could be in the running for father of the year. I can't imagine how I would react to such a death, especially when it appears to be a freak accident.
My thoughts are with you.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)My nephew and his son adored each other. The sun rose and set for them. He's inconsolable right now.
Kali
(56,509 posts)I am so sorry!
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)sprinkleeninow
(21,809 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)Cha
(315,922 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)niyad
(128,615 posts)you and your family.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)Solly Mack
(96,099 posts)Unexpected loss can knock us off kilter. It hits hard.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)Thanks.
cayugafalls
(5,942 posts)May you and his family find peace.
cf...
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)I appreciate your kind words.
AwakeAtLast
(14,315 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)Wounded Bear
(63,536 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)I have to wonder if his refusal to get what he needed wasn't caused in part by the head injury itself.
Wounded Bear
(63,536 posts)the kind that says 'rub a little dirt on it and get back in the game.'
This is a sad story, especially for all involved who have been left behind.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)Plus, like the rest of us, he was stubborn.
kairos12
(13,419 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)It's hit us all hard.
Desert grandma
(1,071 posts)So very sorry for your family's loss. May you find comfort in your love and support of one another.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)Thanks for your kind words.
Demobrat
(10,247 posts)Shocking and heartbreaking for everyone, but adults have had time to learn that terrible things can and do happen. A childhood shouldnt have to end that way.
So sorry.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)He has two much older half brothers, but both live in California. But it'll never be the same.
My nephew was 12 years younger than his wife, so the ages are a bit weird. Thanks.
skylucy
(4,000 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)SheltieLover
(75,127 posts)So saddened to learn of your tragic loss.
Healing vibes on the way to you & your family. 💓💓💓
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)It doesn't quite seem real yet.
SheltieLover
(75,127 posts)And that might be a good thing. Jury is still out on that here, years later.
My heart just aches for you & your family, especially his son.
Please remember to eat, sleep, and do some deep breathing to stay centered.
I'm here if you want to chat.
cate94
(3,026 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)applegrove
(129,329 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)secondwind
(16,903 posts)wife, you, the entire family
. Wow, life is so fleeting
You will all be in my prayers
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)And so sudden.
soldierant
(9,143 posts)which carry within themselves as symptoms the resistance to treatment.
They almost seem diabolocal. I hope his widow is not blaming herself for caling an ambulance at the time of the initial injury. She couldn't hve known.
SheltieLover
(75,127 posts)Thank you for bringing this up!
His wife did the best she could at the timd with the information she had.
This will go a long way towards avoiding survivor's guilt.
Ty!
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)But he kept insisting that he would be fine. When the time is right, I'll suggest grief counseling. Thanks.
SheltieLover
(75,127 posts)Yw
soldierant
(9,143 posts)My 76-year life has been affected many times by people with one or the other of these conditions. They break my heart.
And I am reminded of anti-vaxxers - who, unless you believe their disease is mass psychosis (and it might be) don't have that excuse. But I really don't know what to think of them - except that they are dangerous to those round them.
SheltieLover
(75,127 posts)It is heart breaking for sure. 😢
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)I think that we'll all tell her that she shouldn't feel like she did wrong. He told her that he'd refuse to go.
SheltieLover
(75,127 posts)It's important for him to grasp that mom made every effort, too.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)He could have been at school.
SheltieLover
(75,127 posts)💔
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)relayerbob
(7,326 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)We're all wrecks right now.
vercetti2021
(10,481 posts)Sounds like one hell of a man
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)Thanks.
murielm99
(32,509 posts)What a sudden blow for all of you. No wonder you are in a state of unbelief.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)MustLoveBeagles
(13,871 posts)It must have been such a shock.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)PoindexterOglethorpe
(28,312 posts)This is beyond sad
Right now my older brother, who is 78 years old, is in hospital with a raging infection. He was supposed to have surgery this morning, removing some masses on a kidney that are probably cancer. At least my brother has lived several decades longer than your nephew.
Such things are devastating.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)I hope that they can get the infection under control. Thanks for your kindness. Devastating is the right description.
PoindexterOglethorpe
(28,312 posts)She worked for about 25 years as a compliance auditor, meaning she read medical charts to determine if doctors had made the correct diagnoses or inputs of various procedures. As a consequence, she has a very vast knowledge of medical stuff, even if she is not a doctor herself.
78 is getting up there, but not so old these days.
I am one of six children. So far, a sister died in 2017 at age 70. A brother died at the end of December last year, age 71. I know that in the normal course of events we will all pass on, but honestly, it's a bit strange to be losing my brothers and sisters.
Hugs to you.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)But when it's the younger generation, it's hard to take.
Hugs to you.
Granny M
(1,398 posts)Deepest sympathy to you all.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)GPV
(73,353 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)livetohike
(23,856 posts)sympathy to you and the family. May the love and support of family and friends comfort you and May the memories of your nephew and the stories you will all tell keep him alive in your heart
.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)sinkingfeeling
(56,801 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)brer cat
(27,230 posts)It is tragic to lose someone so young.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)Thanks.
sheshe2
(94,934 posts)My heart goes out to you and yours.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)It's still unreal.
Ilsa
(63,613 posts)Noted to remember: Head trauma should always be checked out for bleeds, shifting mass, etc.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)Thanks for the wishes.
George II
(67,782 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)CentralMass
(16,767 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)IbogaProject
(5,435 posts)Condolences to you and your family.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)Hortensis
(58,785 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)LetMyPeopleVote
(172,903 posts)Your nephew's family will be in my prayers
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)Upthevibe
(9,869 posts)I am so very sorry....
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)JohnSJ
(98,883 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)onecaliberal
(36,594 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)femmedem
(8,530 posts)I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss. It must feel surreal. Devastating but surreal.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)Thanks very much.
Goddessartist
(2,176 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)mcar
(45,486 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)BumRushDaShow
(163,527 posts)Just seeing this. So sorry to hear this and it is so tragic. Am sending my condolences to his family.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)The fact it was so sudden makes it harder to deal with. And he was so young.
marble falls
(69,498 posts)... for your family.
I also hope your foot is better. We don't run into to each other much lately, but I do think of you!
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)Just saw that the wake is on Thursday, which is also the triplets' 21st birthday. And seven hours of it! That's probably because of the firefighter angle.
The foot is much better, thanks. I hope that you're doing better as well. I think of you as well. Maybe we'll both be back in MIRT soon.
marble falls
(69,498 posts)malaise
(291,299 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)This is so hard to process.
malaise
(291,299 posts)It was sudden and he's young - those are the hardest ones to process
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)CaptainTruth
(8,004 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)sueh
(1,926 posts)sudden tragedy. I'm sending healing vibes to you and your family. (((hugs)))
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)wryter2000
(47,940 posts)What a horrible loss for your family and his.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)It's still hard to believe.
calimary
(88,565 posts)So sad to hear.
Thank you for sharing this with us. I hope you know that lots of us here are sharing your grief. What with COVID and the advancing years, almost every one of us has been touched by sorrow and loss. So we can empathize as well as sympathize. You won't be mourning alone.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)LoisB
(12,050 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)dlk
(13,040 posts)Sending wishes for comfort and peace for you and your family.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)dlk
(13,040 posts)My heart goes out to you and your family.
mahina
(20,166 posts)To hold this.
Thank you for telling us about him.
Ill be thinking of you all, and him. Aloha.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)He was lucky enough to be stationed in Hawaii during his Army years. Loved it there.
babylonsister
(172,495 posts)greatauntoftriplets.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)live love laugh
(16,104 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)yardwork
(68,598 posts)A friend of mine died the same way. He hit his head and didn't think anything of it. A few days later he died suddenly. It turned out to be internal bleeding in his brain.
I'm so very sorry for your loss.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)I'm sorry about your friend. The moral of the story is don't screw around with head injuries.
yardwork
(68,598 posts)I hope you're doing well overall.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)I'm hanging in there. Thanks.
UpInArms
(53,755 posts)((((((((HUGS)))))))
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)Doodley
(11,547 posts)greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)Thanks very much.
Susan Calvin
(2,383 posts)I was going to say a bunch more about me, and how I relate to this, but that's not what you need right now. I am just so sorry.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)If you've been through this, you know how hard it is.
SpankMe
(3,634 posts)Wife, kid, step-kids...it's a big loss.
People must not defer treatment for potential brain injury.
Bless you and bless the family.
greatauntoftriplets
(178,531 posts)He was a paramedic, he should have known.