Trump Urges Supporters To Move On From Societal Disdain For Pedophilia [View all]

Published: July 14, 2025

WASHINGTON—Facing mounting backlash from his MAGA base over his perceived ties to the Jeffrey Epstein case, President Donald Trump reportedly encouraged his supporters Monday to simply move on from society’s widespread disdain for pedophilia. “It’s time to just accept that some people like having sex with kids and focus on the fantastic things we’re doing to win back the respect of the world,” said Trump, who expressed frustration that instead of celebrating the passage of his domestic spending bill or his historic deportation numbers, many of his supporters were getting distracted by “something that people have done since ancient Greece.”

“Are people really still talking about the sexual abuse of children? Let it go! Our administration is making America great again. That’s the story, not whether I or anyone else ‘diddled’ an underage girl! The case is closed. Sometimes kids get molested. Maybe they shouldn’t dress like such sluts!” Trump went on to state that he has had many pedophile friends and associates over the years who have been fine, hardworking Americans.

https://theonion.com/trump-urges-supporters-to-move-on-from-societal-disdain-for-pedophilia/

Satire, kinda.