How’s it going with Pete Hegseth, the meathead who is somehow the secretary of Defense and not qualified to manage a peg-leg stand at a pirate convention? That former Fox News host said to engage in alcohol misuse who was credibly accused of sexual assault? The one cartooned all over with white nationalist tattoos, incapable of evenly shaving his own tiny sideburns? The smirking creep … you know who we mean.

Hegseth just can’t seem to get or keep good help, and there’s reportedly been nonstop fighting in the war room. Now a sixth person has left his office, 33-year-old “senior” advisor Justin Fulcher. Would Hegseth’s last departing adviser please toss out any empty vodka bottle that might still be dangling from SecDef’s lips and turn out the lights?

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Anyway, of course, the leaking-est boy all along was Hegseth, the guy who put war plans for Yemen on a Signal chat with Atlantic reporter Jeffrey Greenberg, and staged a press photo op with Musk while he strutted around the Pentagon in his too-tight black jeans. Just like Hegseth himself was the one who stood before a podium and admitted that the bomb the US dropped on Iran only damaged their nuclear program, but didn’t destroy it, and then attacked the media for reporting what everybody just heard him say.

It’s been one fail after another for ol’ Pickled Pisspants Pete; the only thing he’s succeeded at is driving people away. The Houthis are back to bombing ships in the Red Sea, and Israel has taken over bombing them. Israel did quit bombing Iran, but then started bombing Syria. At this rate he’ll never get to invade Canada, Panama and Greenland!

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