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The Borowitz Report: Greenland Rejects Trump's Offer to Trade JD Vance for Rare Earth Minerals [View all]
Link: https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/greenland-rejects-trumps-offer-to
GREENLAND (The Borowitz Report)—On Thursday the government of Greenland flatly rejected Donald J. Trump’s offer to trade Vice President JD Vance for a stake in the island’s rare earth minerals.
In a strongly worded rebuke, government spokesman Hartvig Dorkelson declared, “Greenland will consider any attempt to transfer ownership of JD Vance to this island to be an act of war.”
Greenland’s statement drew an impassioned response from the VP’s wife, Usha Vance, who urged the island’s government to reconsider Trump’s offer.
“I strongly recommend that you agree to this deal,” she said. “We’re not even insisting on the minerals part.”
- short article, no more at link -
In a strongly worded rebuke, government spokesman Hartvig Dorkelson declared, “Greenland will consider any attempt to transfer ownership of JD Vance to this island to be an act of war.”
Greenland’s statement drew an impassioned response from the VP’s wife, Usha Vance, who urged the island’s government to reconsider Trump’s offer.
“I strongly recommend that you agree to this deal,” she said. “We’re not even insisting on the minerals part.”
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