The DU Lounge

...at only 23, in a winter time scuba diving excursion that ended badly, I asked my mother what she would say when people asked her if she had any children. Her answer - I have a daughter. I had a son.

This was way back in 1978. When my brother died, I was newly stationed at Yokota Air Base in Japan, with the Air Force nurse corps. I'd been there barely 3 weeks, so knew very few people. Went back to the States for the funeral, and then back to Japan. When you are new to a military base/assignment, you are always meeting lots of people, and always asked about where you are from, and about your family.

A sure-fire way to bring conversation to a screeching halt is to have to announce, when asked if you have any brothers or sisters, that your sibling just died. Everyone apologizes in horror for unknowingly bringing up such a sad topic, and I'd end up trying to make them feel better for their innocent error. It was agonizing. Sometimes, when asked if I had any siblings, I would just say "No" if I didn't feel like dealing with it at that moment.

I hope it is OK if I express my admiration for the acceptance you seem to have found with your son's choice. And I hope the son you still have with you is OK.

One additional thought. Awful as the sudden and unexpected loss of my brother was, if it had to be, I'm grateful that I did not have to watch him waste away from some dreadful illness.