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NNadir

(36,395 posts)
28. My mother was one of 10 children who lived to be adults.
Fri Aug 8, 2025, 09:12 AM
Aug 8

They were very close, having raised each other and themselves more or less, as my grandmother died when they were young and my grandfather was an asshole.

Nine of them were still alive when my mother was diagnosed. Uniformly they all refused to accept the diagnosis. This said, they were a huge help to me with the physical demands although they kept focusing on a recovery that wasn't going to happen. They took shifts, trying to give my mother exercises to make her get better, trying to speak to her as if her mind was still working as it once had. (My mother spoke in riddles as her brain failed. She knew she was dying and I knew she was dying but the family rules precluded me from discussing it with her, a source of my personal deep regret. )

They all had religions, basically Christian, but substantially different, everything from Jehovah Witnesses to Catholic with a number of other denominations in between. There were talismans and rosaries and Bibles and pamphlets everywhere, statues of the Virgin Mary, prayer sessions, visiting priests.

I kept telling them there was a diagnosis but they wouldn't listen. (When the end came, some of them thanked me for my efforts to warn them of what was coming.)

All the differences aside, I was and remain extremely grateful for their love and help. It went deeper than my magnificent uncle.

I will say that although I am an atheist, I was shaken when my father, a deeply religious man, began to question his faith. I worried I would lose him too.

The whole thing deformed all of us. I wasn't quite right for many years myself, in fact until I met my future wife, and still, half a century later, as the OP shows, I can still touch the whole thing as if it were just a few minutes ago.

As beautiful as life can be, and sometimes is, it can also be terrible. Overall, I'm glad I overcame my thoughts of suicide, based on what it would have done to my father, but it was a close thing. It took me a long time to understand that life is very much worth living.

The good that came of it is the privilege of remembering my uncle as I have here, and all those other aunts and uncles and cousins who came to help, each in their own way. I was extremely fortunate to have my close and supportive and caring family. They are all gone now, but still I feel their love.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

He sounds like a wonderful person AltairIV Aug 5 #1
Knowing how much homegirl Aug 5 #5
NNadir definitely is kind to others. I can personally attest to that Tanuki Aug 5 #17
Your remembrance of him is a nice thing for all of us to hear and think about. Maybe try to emulate ourselves. FadedMullet Aug 5 #2
The money was nice but the way he made you feel is too. That you can't buy. twodogsbarking Aug 5 #3
That is a beautiful memory. Thanks for sharing! Iris Aug 5 #4
Thank you for sharing that wonderfully intimate part of your life NNadir. JMCKUSICK Aug 5 #6
My uncle was just like that. Grumpy Old Guy Aug 5 #7
Good people are with us forever Grim Chieftain Aug 5 #8
I aspire to be that type of person your Uncle John was BaronChocula Aug 5 #9
It's kind of sad that that seems exceptional. It's what the support system is supposed to do. JHB Aug 5 #10
Thinking about decency when all around we are faced with vulgarity and profanity.. blessed memories question everything Aug 5 #11
Uncle John sounds like a very kind and loving man FakeNoose Aug 5 #12
You are not too late MuseRider Aug 5 #13
I think it was Maya Angelou who said, Ziggysmom Aug 5 #14
Memories are a wonder Figarosmom Aug 5 #15
Love to you. Hope22 Aug 5 #16
A nice tribute to your uncle mgardener Aug 5 #18
Sounds like he was an excellent role model. WestMichRad Aug 5 #19
Thank you for sharing this story with us. 3catwoman3 Aug 6 #20
Precious Memories... so wonderful when they float by like that! FemDemERA Aug 6 #21
I had an Uncle John kkmarie Aug 6 #22
I had an uncle Wally Jarqui Aug 6 #23
Thanks, you just made me think of my Uncle Bob. ECL213 Aug 6 #24
It took me 18 years to appreciate your uncle's wisdom. NNadir Aug 6 #25
Yeah, there is no death without regrets by the deceased or the survivors. ECL213 Aug 6 #26
My mother was one of 10 children who lived to be adults. NNadir Aug 8 #28
I, too, had a special Uncle. Everyone who has/had one is very fortunate. LoisB Aug 6 #27
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