Artists

It says a lot about you that you have retained your empathy even when you are in such pain.

I wrote a lot and accidentally just deleted it somehow. I don't know if I'll be able to recreate it. But I remember that part of what I wrote is that cyberbullying is incredibly painful and traumatizing, and after a year and a half I'm not surprised that you're feeling this way. If you ever want to tell me more about it, you can message me. I won't be angry and it won't go badly for you. I might be slow to respond because of work but I will respond.

I lost a beloved partner to suicide twenty-five years ago. I couldn't bear to read how you were feeling and not have anyone respond, not have anyone acknowledge what you'd said.

I hope you can bear in mind that the problem isn't you, the problem is what people did and are doing to you. It is normal to be profoundly depressed in the face of prolonged bullying. They are depriving you of the basic human need to belong. It would drive almost anyone into a depression. But I hope you can also know that some of what you are thinking--that you are stupid and worthless and not normal--are symptoms, not facts. They are symptoms of depression as much as sneezing is a symptom of hay fever.

I don't know if you have tried seeing a councilor, but I hope you will consider it. I think that the depression you're suffering in response to the abuse you've suffered is a life-threatening medical condition, and you might need help climbing out of it.

The fact that you opened up on DU says that you really do want connection. That's a good sign. I think it's a sign that you will be ok again.

About my work: I do love my job. I just need more hours in the day. I don't do life-saving work: I work in historic preservation. My intern and I have been conducting oral histories with people who've lived in public housing in our city, including a housing project that was recently demolished. Now we're figuring out how to present everything to the public. We'll be sharing our first video montage at the organization's annual meeting in a couple of days. If I could just do that work, it would be awesome. But that on top of grant applications, research requests, collaboration requests, even supervising volunteers--well, any of that would be awesome, too. I just can't keep doing fourteen hour days.