“At this festive season of the year, Mr. GOP,” said the governor, taking up a pen, “it is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for the Poor and destitute, who suffer greatly at the present time. Many thousands are in want of common necessaries; hundreds of thousands are in want of common comforts, sir.”
“Are there no prisons?” asked the GOP.
“Plenty of prisons,” said the governor, laying down the pen again.
“And the Union workhouses?” demanded the GOP. “Are they still in operation?”
“They are. Still,” returned the governor, “I wish I could say they were not.”
“The Treadmill and the Poor Law are in full vigour, then?” said the GOP.
“Both very busy, sir.”
“Oh! I was afraid, from what you said at first, that something had occurred to stop them in their useful course,” said the GOP. “I’m very glad to hear it.”
“Under the impression that they scarcely furnish Christian cheer of mind or body to the multitude,” returned the governor, “a few of us are endeavouring to raise a fund to buy the Poor some meat and drink, and means of warmth. We choose this time, because it is a time, of all others, when Want is keenly felt, and Abundance rejoices. What shall I put you down for?”
“Nothing!” the GOP replied.
“You wish to be anonymous?”
“I wish to be left alone,” said the GOP. “Since you ask me what I wish, gentlemen, that is my answer. I don’t make merry myself at Christmas and I can’t afford to make idle people merry. I help to support the establishments I have mentioned: they cost enough: and those who are badly off must go there.”
“Many can’t go there; and many would rather die.”
“If they would rather die,” said the GOP, “they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population.”
with apologies to Charles Dickens.
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