The "tone argument" [View all]

Hi, I have been around DU for a while and just started hanging out in this group since DU3.

I am kind of new to feminism... somehow it never seemed important to me for a lot of reasons. Long story, but it has become much more important to me and I am trying to absorb and learn. (It's like some kind of switch flipped in my head and I went "Whoa, wait a minute... this stuff actually matters.&quot

I am enjoying and learning from the "Words" thread: http://www.democraticunderground.com/11392273

I have a similar kind of question about dealing with the "tone argument".

How can one effectively respond to someone who is using the "tone argument" as a way to avoid the substance of the complaint?

When I shared this article: http://www.democraticunderground.com/11391081 with men in my community, all I got was the tone argument. As in (and I quote): "I can't even focus on what she said because her tone is so angry, disrespectful, and awful."

It was like they (the men I know who read the article) went into some kind of super-denial "la la la la I can't hear you" zone where they steadfastly refused to even for one second consider ANYTHING the author of the article wrote.

I frequently use cat analogies and metaphors, so I told them when someone is (figuratively) stepping on my tail and it hurts and I yell "OWEEEE, get off my damn tail!!!", the right thing to do is to GET OFF MY TAIL and possibly have a little empathy for stepping on it, and not to say "ask nicely and I'll consider getting off your tail".

I got BLANKSTARE and the general attitude of "I refuse to deal with anyone who expresses herself that disrespectfully," with a clear undercurrent of "I don't actually care what that hateful (b****, c***, whatever) says because she obviously has issues with men and I am not like that so who cares?" <--- This from some men who ARE RATHER LIKE THE MEN DESCRIBED IN THE ARTICLE.

I was thinking, "Seriously? Y'all have a problem with HER attitude? Trying living as a woman for a while and THEN tell me about how frustrated you are with "attitude"!"

Beyond frustrating.

So what do you do when somebody deflects and avoids real issues with the "tone argument"?

???