Addiction & Recovery

The perfection trap and the control trap and the worry trap are the ones that have ensnared me all my life.

I thought the second two would keep my safe (magical thinking!). And the first one was the only way I could see myself as good enough. They all still catch me from time to time, but now, I get back up, brush off my knees and keep going.

I try hard not to get out of today because 90% of what I think will happen in the future is wrong and the other 10% happens but often differently and all the worry and control in the world won't stop the bad or the good. It's actually very freeing when I can stay there and when I can't, well, wash, rinse, repeat. I also used to beat myself up for not meeting my standards, that was also soul wasting.

Now I look at what I did, what I can learn and I get back up. And every day there is meeting to help remind me.

I feel very blessed to have had an addict in my life so that I went to find my recovery. I hope the addict is recovering, but that's all I do around the addict. He can not be my concern, now that he showed me that I was and am so very emotionally sick. He did his part and now I do my part. I can only change me and only one day at a time.

And cheer on my fellow travelers. We are all working so very hard and it deserves to be noticed and cheered on.