Addiction & Recovery

Hi, Bif. I'm glad to hear you are staying true to yourself and remain sober. I have worked in the mental health/AOD field as a Social Worker and PA - many people placed in the circumstances you faced on Saturday would not be able to attend or stay. Many have conveyed to me the difficulties that are inherent in staying sober day-to-day, minute-to-minute under the BEST of scenarios. Typical social situations are fraught with landmines but adding heavy alcohol or other drug use into them...Yikes! I glanced over several of the replies to your original posting but not all, so I'm sorry if I missed some of the information. But, I must agree with those respondents that have said - No, you are NOT wrong. Your feelings about staying sober in response to what is happening around you are VALID and IMPORTANT. The most important, if you are to remain sober.

There are lots of loose ends for those in recovery as well as those in their orbit. Old and new triggers and resentments - suppressed feelings because of those can boil over without an apparent catalyst. I liked what several respondents recommended - having a game plan going into social situations can be of use indeed. As I said, I didn't read all of the posts and - even if I had - they may not contain all of the "bits and bobs" of your story. There are so, so many threads that contribute to the multi-color ball of yarn that is addiction and that ball is often HUGE. This is also true for those in your orbit.

There are numerous potential IEDs in the field for you and yours. You may not even KNOW all of yours, let alone theirs. My best suggestion is that you have someone who can help you process and navigate through all of this. A counselor, AA/sponsor, pastor/priest/spiritual advisor - someone who is not in the thick of it with you and yours so that objectivity can be a guide. Virtual meetings and counseling is more readily available than ever, so you have access wherever you are. However, if those people in your immediate orbit have issues to process, they need to participate, too. With you or alone. YOU alone cannot possibly have to be responsible for EVERYONE'S happiness. People around you have to own their stuff, too. You cannot be held responsible for someone's expectations/beliefs/wants/wishes if you don't know what they are.

I can tell you one thing for sure - AOD related or not - the silent treatment does not work in the end. Taking time to cool off - yeah, you bet. Being silent for hours/days - NOPE. I had/have several relatives who have struggled with alcohol/other drugs and I have worked with enough people (since 1992) to have seen folks make or break relationships, no matter what they do. But silence - this is 99.9999% a surefire way to get nowhere fast.

I wish you and yours peace.