Seems my bone marrow isn't "bouncing back" after chemo. [View all]

I was supposed to go in yesterday for my 5th of 6 chemo treatments (this time around, for metastasis) but my blood counts are so low, the oncologist decided to hold off and take another blood test next week in hopes they'll improve. Apparently - I didn't know this - it has to do with the bone marrow's ability to make new red and white blood cells, and chemo disrupts this process, sometimes suppressing it to a permanent degree.

That was kind of a blow - becoming unsure whether my body can withstand two more chemo treatments. The doctor said to wait for the results of the new CT-scan I had on Tuesday, and then we'd see what my choices are going forward. Already, she said, she's reduced the chemo dose I've been getting by 20% compared to last time, and I take generic 'neupogen' shots to increase my white cells and neutrophils after every chemo.

Today I got the CT scan results. There are "mild" improvements." One tumor shrank a little, others changed in other ways, but none are gone. All that's gone are my red and white blood cells, my hair, my eyelashes, and my energy.

I'm hoping for another two chemo treatments because after this much negativity, I'd like to see a benefit in terms of a bit more time in my life, hopefully remission. Meanwhile, it's hard not to think about death and dying all the time.