tremendous burden [View all]

I'm almost as deeply depressed as I was in September '21 when I admitted myself to a mental hospital. Tonight's events haven't helped. Without getting too graphic, I've had to clean up the bathroom twice after my wife, who is ill. It has been three years since the last time she was this sick.

It's an all-night endeavor, getting up with her, nursing her, and cleaning up. Even if the attacks stop, I get no sleep. The anxiety is crushing and I can find no relief.

And tomorrow - well, this afternoon - we have to euthanize her favorite cat, who is very ill and suffering. No doubt her grief is what's brought on tonight's attacks.

We've been together 22½ years, married for 12½. I love her and I'm committed. I take my vows seriously. They help me get through nights like this. It's as if that's where I get my energy from for these all-nighters

This is my late night rant of catharsis, only it's not all that cathartic. If there were someone I could've called, I would've done that instead of writing here. I wish there were someone I could text, like a suicide hotline - not for suicide but for extreme depression.