Need to vent. [View all]

My husband is mostly THE BEST.

I have been depressed and so has he. His is more physical depression, sleeping a lot and being defensive. Mine is feeling alone in the struggle to keep our life together balanced. I feel like (and have SOME objective documentation that I do A LOT more around the house than he does even though he works from home and I have been working outside the home and having to put in overtime.)

I am refraining from saying the things that "I need to say" because I know he won't take it as I mean it, but will get passive/aggressive.

SO I went in another direction and bought us tickets to one of our favorite singing groups as an early Christmas present and sent him off to get us a hotel in the area. THIS is meeting one of my personal relationship goals with him (spending quality time together away from the chaos) AND bringing something positive/constructive into our weekend.

I don't know what to DO about what I need to say.


He is an adult.
I make dinner even though I am exhausted after work.
I wash dishes also.
I am OK with those two things.
There are things he does that contribute and take some of the stress off me.

BUT I am NOT feeling it is my job to pick up his messes on the table when we eat and I am not wanting to feed him if he's going to keep this up. I am NOT the damn maid.

Should I just pick up his messes and be quiet?
Should I start leaving a bill for services rendered?
I HAVE already told him it is not a restaurant, I'm not the waitress and he is capable of taking his dishes to the sink, trash to the trashcan and recycling to the recycling bin. He does this EVEN WHEN HE IS HOME ALONE. He leaves his messes for me to pick up.

He hasn't always been this way.

Intellectually he agrees we should both pick up after ourselves, but he goes into his distractions so much that he is clueless and does NOTHING around the house unless I basically make a list and make him pick something to do. AND I have to do at least 75% of the list to his 5%.

Our insurance covers mental health like therapy, but not couples therapy. Sigh.


IDEAS?