I don't know what to do. [View all]

I am sitting here wondering why I am still sitting here. I have been doing some thinking and researching about what to do instead of sitting here all the time. And, there just is not much coming to mind. This was never an issue in the past. I could always find something to do. But nowadays, anything I used to do is just that, I used to do it. Either because of physical issues or just my mental health, I cannot fathom doing much of anything. I don't want to do anything that people 'my age' seem to want to do, as they all seem to want to do things that require a 'dick waving' amount of money. I don't even have 'so broke I cannot afford to pay attention' money, so I can't do any of that. Plus, I do not have my own transportation anymore since my little truck died. My beloved husband works in the evenings and into the night, which just removes him and our vehicle from any plans. Plus, I just don't know if I have anything to offer anyone who is not a geeky, former performer who cannot do any of it anymore anyway. I mean, I jumped on two different sites that list activities and events for 'seniors' and everything listed looked shallow and boring and everything I did a search for came up empty. I don't get it. Why can't people understand that when one is done, it makes no sense to just sit around and mark time? I just do not get it. And on nights like tonight... with my favorite holiday coming up and a weekend of partying before that holiday even arrives, I just do not understand why anyone would want me to sit here in constant pain and depression for any length of time.

As Spock would no doubt say, it is not logical.