Mental Health Support

Ramen and crackers. Water and nothing else.

I have several prescriptions that are about to come up. Too fucking bad, old fart.

I have two injuries that require bandaids and treatment spray. Oh well.

I have issues that really need to be addressed. I cannot even try to.

We are the trash, the outside edges that are expected to be cut away so that the dish can look good. Everything that is cut away is still completely edible and delicious. But, it doesn't help with the illusion of the dish. So, we get the 'knife'.

I do not expect anything other than to die. I just want it to happen sooner and painlessly rather than slowly and painfully.

Too fucking bad, failure. I don't get to do anything but suffer and continue to suffer.

I hate life and I hate myself for ever believing any of the crap I was told either as a child, or an adult. It was all lies and propaganda.

There is no justice. There is no equality. There is just greed and lust. We refuse to stop either of them. We revel in them.

I apologize, but these days I am just not in the mood to be pleasant or 'compassionate'. Yes, I understand the irony of that statement. I just don't care.

I used to. I used to be the first person to stop at an accident. I helped others in any way I could. That practice cost me everything, I guess, because look where I am. I have nothing. I am nothing.

I thought that this situation would allow some real progressives the change to get somewhere in this society that does not seem to like progressives. I was wrong. We do not want to progress. We would have accepted it long ago if we did.

Again I am sorry. I have been trying to stay away because I am filled with nothing but poison and bile anymore. I give up. Even if something happens and we do manage to avoid a total descent into fascism, nothing will change for me. I was poor and a waste of skin before all of this happened, and after so many decades of failing and continuing to be seen as 'out there' because I prefer us to be humans rather than greedy, self-absorbed numbers, I just cannot anymore.

I have no idea if I will even have internet after today. I don't know when that bill will come in and we certainly cannot handle it if it does appear soon. The same with the other bills. We are already have bills in collections. We have nothing to give them.

I will be trying to sell my two guitars. They re the only things that I have that might have some value in society. (I have a much different view of what has value, which is probably also a big reason why I am where I am.) I will probably faint when I actually do. (Hell I can feel a bit of anxiety attack coming up just from typing this.) They will be the last bit of my former life that I have. But, we are at that point. I had hoped that I could pass them along to my nephew, since that will be as close to having a child of my own as I will ever get. But, alas, I should have known better about that as well.

It is time for me to accept that I was never meant to be here in the first place.