I just realized I think my home environment has become toxic... [View all]

I'm 31 live at home with my parents and have suffered from depression and anxiety for most of my life as others may already know here. My patents love me to a fault and support me in anything I do. In fact I think they are in some ways to blame for some of my mental problems BECAUSE of how close they have been to me throughout my life, I've had difficulty developing a sense of self and my own self confidence. At any rate these past few months I've been near suicidally depressed at times and am in a constant state of overloaded stress. The discussion at home as turned into one of near constant 24/7 concern for me interspersed with outbursts of frustration and anger on both sides. I don't blame my parents for being at their wits end given how much stress I've put them through. But it only recently occurred to me that this environment of constant concern, talk about how I need to get better, and agitation has become toxic for me.

It never really occurred to me but while the root causes of my anxiety and depression lie elsewhere this family environment must be acting as a negative feedback mechanism for me.

I'm as much to blame as my parents as I frequently sigh deeply around my parents and express my feelings of despair. But I don't have any friends or other ways to vent, to them it seems mean and vindictive at times. Perhaps it is subconsciously but to me it just seems like a natural reaction to feelings of despair.

At any rate how do I end this cycle?