holidays can suck for families with m.h. issues [View all]

I don't think I can remember almost any pleasant holidays, not from my childhood, not from the past 10-20 years.

I tried this morning to make our traditional family Easter brunch, to try and cheer up the three of us after a pretty hellish past couple of weeks. All of us have various issues -- mine are depression and anxiety -- but our daughter, who is 27, was hospitalized last weekend after threatening repeatedly to kill herself. She was released Tuesday. She's not happy with the hospital's day program, and they failed to give her referrals for counseling.

So I got up today and boiled a half dozen eggs to dye, picked a bunch of daffodils for the table, put on a pretty yellow tablecloth, and started the eggs Benedict, including cooked asparagus. This means preparing five separate items.

She pitched in, coloring the eggs, slicing up tomatoes, putting out fruit, setting the table and toasting the English muffins. All was going well, the table looked beautiful, and we sat down to eat.

But I had inadvertently overcooked the poached eggs while tending the hollandaise, the asparagus, the bacon, etc. As usual, she got upset and angry. Then she poached more eggs for herself, made up a tray and went downstairs to eat in her room, while my husband and I looked at each other and ate in silence. I offered him one of the overcooked poached eggs. The daughter came back up and for some reason got even more angry that he had eaten the egg she hadn't wanted.

Now I'm sitting in my room with a knot in my stomach,thinking back on how one small mistake sets her off just about every Christmas, Easter or birthday. She's 27, she's going through withdrawal, she has to make some very tough decisions. I realize she's having a hard time. This particular scenario happen almost every holiday. If it isn't some minor aspect of the cooking, it's something else. It happens with takeout food -- if they forget the crispy noodles or the dipping sauce, she throws a fit.

Yes, she has OCD, among other things. And I must be some kind of stupid to keep forgetting that there's no point to trying to cheer us up by celebrating something, because it can all go downhill so quickly. I think it's time to declare an end to all holiday and birthday celebration attempts at this house. It's not worth the hurt. I wish there was some way to change things.