Mental Health Support

In fact, he's a friend I've had since teenage years, and when I was assaulted and the PTSD became disabling, he took me in when I had no other place to go. When my SSDI hit, I moved out quickly and tried to live on my own, but I am not capable of it anymore -- don't take care of myself, slip into worse depression, become even more of a social recluse.... and also my check just isn't enough to live on my own and still pay my car payment.

So he asked me to move back in, paying actual rent.

I was then able to afford a shrink that was decent and listened to me regarding both my Bipolar I and PTSD and how I reacted to meds, etc. He's a Medicare opt-out and older, but a VERY good doctor and recognized my system simply cannot tolerate most of the newer drugs used for Bipolar due to being medicated incorrectly during my manic psychosis -- they treated it as schizophrenia and ignored the beginning symptoms of NMS for several days, just giving me stronger dopamine antagonists and combining them, until I finally entered the full muscular rigidity and rhabdomylosis stage. As a result I don't tolerate even newer drugs that antagonize dopamine well.)

He also recognizes that antidepressants can cause rapid cycling in Bipolar depression rather than how they react in MDD, so he had me go over every antidepressant I had been on and how I reacted, we found the only one that ever actually did anything (Prozac), and we went with just 10mg along with a slow Lamictal titration and 1.5 mg of clonazepam for mood stabilization. Very old-school treatment, but it's working. (I also get a very small prescription for public panic attacks of 1mg Xanax, but it's the kind of thing where I still have the one refill written left and have to get it filled before it expires next month.)

So I know my roommate cares about me as a person, but even so, if I embarrass him or he doesn't like how I act, my instinct is not to cling, think of him as a bad person, think he was intentionally trying to hurt my feelings, etc (the Borderline response -- either they're great or they're bad, but please don't leave me!)... it's instead to want to withdrawal, go away, try not to let it make me slip into the self-esteem issues that feed my depression but still be more inclined to see it as him probably being correct that I suck socially...

To push people away.

Which I know is me, not him. As I said, he's a decent person overall and was venting. He's probably forgotten about it.