I need a safe place to say this... this could include triggers [View all]

I think some people here may understand. I don't expect everyone to understand.

If my older brother or I had died in Vietnam it would -not- have meant my father and mother were good people, let alone some of America's best people.

If either of us had died my father would have been the same late 40s early 50s domestic abuser he was when we left home and caught the train to the induction center.

My mother would have been the same facilitator of abuse of her children. Either of our deaths wouldn't have changed that a bit.

As I write this nearly 50 years after the event, I can run my tongue through the space that should occupy teeth in my upper and lower jaw, teeth that I lost at 16 years of age when I got hit in the face with a broom handle.

I understand that the Khans suffered a huge loss. I've buried a child, I sort of get it. I understand that people who see others suffer (and I think the memories of their son are likely painful for the Khans) want to give comfort. I have no reason to think anything but that the Khans already were some of America's best people, before their son was killed.

But, I really don't think there is a necessary or logical link that makes parents who lose a child in military service any better people than others. In my imagination I can suppose such a loss might make a change...in a person capable of change. I don't think my parents were those kind of people