Bipolar II, mixed episode? [View all]

I have been the most pro-active person on earth lately. I mean, it's gotten so drastic, I did chores, errands, and finished some projects!

I feel like I've gone from blob to being a normal person again. I decided to switch therapists and psychiatrists and I went to my first appointment with my therapist yesterday. I chose her because I knew she actually works with bipolar patients. I made sure of that, because my last therapist didn't know jack.

She said that for one, Wellbutrin works almost immediately and it doesn't take 2 months to kick in, so it's not that. I could be having a mixed episode more on the manic end of the spectrum. OR, the most likely thing: I lost 14 pounds in a short amount of time, and my medicine is having a larger effect on me. Shit.

A lot's been going for me. It's almost my birthday and my present was a drafting table. Having my home clean always cheers me up, and my husband has a strong chance of getting a job soon.

Now, all of that is the good news. Bad news:

I'm constantly shaking, I'm drowsy while feeling like someone gave me an overdose of caffiene, I'm having more hypomanic attacks at night, I can't concentrate on drawing or reading very well, and my emotions are going up and down frequently. As in, I'm bumping up from mania, hypomania and depression within seconds, not minutes.

I don't know why, but what's really scary about all this, is that I suspect that there's no middle ground for me. Like, I can only be either manic or depressed or both, but never content. THAT scares me. That my emotions are stringing me along like a kite with either no wind or tornado winds. Get stuck in a tree? Well then you're fucked, and people have to get you down to try and repair you... With limited success.