We do NOT hit our children - never had, so that's not going to appear in my advice. Withholding food or other necessities is also out. There are a few things that you can use gently - suspension of computer and/or cell phone rights. No videos. No phone calls at all. Most of them seem punitive. We do better with logic - I have to use a cane and if I need to get to your window to shut it when it rains, I can't. Still, their rooms are disaster areas, as was mine at that age. Laundry is the biggest bitch. Do NOT use bribery. That just pegs you as a sucker.
She sounds like a girl that's going somewhere. Strong will is far better than shy obedience. Have you considered martial arts? All three of ours say "Yes SIR" or Yes MA'AM". They're all 2nd degree black belts (my wife's a 3rd degree). If we lay down the law, even the 20 year old will do as we say, but for the most part we are letting them grow up. The older two both have boyfriends who sleep over and we stay out of the way. I've said for many years, "PUT A RUBBER ON IT!" and I trust them to do so. But if a boyfriend is here, he's on the housework checklist just like our own kids. We feed them, they do whatever work we need to have done that day. I haven't heard any arguments.
Oh, and you're only dealing with 10. Watch out for 13. (shudder).
On Edit: You've only got them for a short time in the general scheme of things. Enjoy it.
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