Parenting

Remember the countdown clock many of us had when we were waiting for the the end of GWB's presidency? I have it on my desktop now, counting the days until our 17-year-old hits 18 and will move to an apartment on her own. The last two teenagers just about killed us. I realized a while ago that it's kind of like my mother having dementia. I never cried after her death because I had already had 10 years of grief with lots of tears. She was already gone. Same with this child--I had to see that I was in grief while also continuing to do my job of being a parent. My influence is gone at this point; the job is very different and I do the minimum. It actually helped the relationship when I pulled back and worked from behind the scenes, but I didn't do it for the relationship--I did it because it was all I had left to give.

I hear that it is normal, that it is part of the individuation process, and we're not supposed to take it personally. HA HA! How can we not? I could not. Ouch ouch ouch. My heart never felt more stabbed.

As always with parenting, the key is self-care. Your son will be gone soon and you will be in your safe place. (If he's a threat, I'd get a P.O. box and not reveal your location until he's showed major changes.) He may come back to you and will reveal some of the seeds you worked so hard to plant. If not, you are not alone.

For now, feel the feelings and take care.