Pets

and sitting on my lap. If not on my lap, he snuggled next to me and extended his paw to be physically in touch.

But Ember, who is now 7 years old (October birthday), has never liked being held or sitting on my lap. If I move toward her in a way that suggests that I might pick her up, she takes off in the other direction. But, if I just want to pet her and extend one hand to do it, she stands still for it. She is remarkably skilled at picking up my body language regarding whether I intend to just pet her or pick her up.

Yet, when she's in the mood to be petted, she nudges my hand for it, slides her head right under my hand, rubs my face non stop, and won't stop until she gets what she wants. When I watch a movie on TV, she often sprawls on the arm of the couch to be near me, but not right next to me.

At night, if I say, "Good night, Ember," she jumps up next to me when I lie down, rubs her face on mine, and snuggled up close, but only to get her head and ears petted. She purrs up a storm of contentment and affection on these occasions. If I don't immediately pet her, she nudges my hand with her paws or mouth until I do. While I am petting her, she puts her forehead against my arm or the pillow. This could go on forever as far as Ember is concerned, but when I get too tired to continue petting her and start to drift off to sleep, she jumps down and wanders off. Occasionally, she will go down by my feet to curl up and sleep.

But, during those petting sessions in bed, if I dare to put an arm around her to hold her close, she bites my hand or arm, leaps down, and will not return all night. She can't tolerate anything that feels confining to her.

Strangely, if I lie on my left side, she will give me a "massage," kneeding me with her paws. But ONLY if I am on my left side.

Some cats just can't tolerate the feeling of confinement from being held or snuggled too closely. They are affectionate and like the company of being nearby, but being held feels to them like losing control of their freedom.