You are obviously proficient in the subject matter. What I'm looking for in this section you've published here is a unifying thesis or theme to give it structure and meaning.
It seems an ambitious undertaking that needs that kind of device to hold it together and make it digestible. Once the overarching theme is established, which I believe you have posited to some degree in the first paragraph, what are the corollaries of the main theme and underlying pillars of evidence, examples, or history which can be used to support the presentation and the main contentions? I believe that it is there somewhere in what you have written but I don't know what it is that is tying the various paragraphs together in the author's mind.
Your subject matter has great potential but needs more organization with the insights that you have gained from your expertise to hold it together. This is what I have observed in other works addressing broad issues of civilization and cultural development that I'm fond of reading. The structure is what makes the reading memorable from my perspective. That's the difference between the books on such broad ranging topics that I remember and the ones I can't remember or didn't finish reading.
Just my opinion. I haven't written a book yet, but I have done a lot of professional writing, and have a lot of formal training in writing non-fiction. I write often.
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