Loners

# 6 has happened to me.

My mom, an extrovert who has been frustrated with my introversion for 53 years, once, in my late 20s, threw a surprise bday party for me at her house. She didn't invite my friends. She didn't know them, or didn't know how to reach them. That was on purpose. After a childhood of her knowing my "friends" better than I did, I kept my small number of friends protected.

So, she invited all of her friends. It was a party for her friends to celebrate my birthday. Some of them I knew. Some of them I knew of, because she spends an inordinate amount of time telling me everything that happens to everyone she knows, in painful detail. All of them "knew" me, because she spends as much time telling them all about every intimate detail of my life, as she does telling me about them. Hence my determination to keep my social life protected.

When they all jumped out and shouted "SURPRISE!" I was understandably dumbfounded. And horrified. I managed not to let the horror show on my face. I looked at her, and she looked back at me with an immensely pleased look of satisfaction and "gotcha." I plastered a fake smile on my face and proceeded to spend the next couple of hours nodding and making inconsequential responses to their stories, and deflecting their questions with vague, generalized responses. I tried to be gracious.

When I could finally leave without being rude, I did. I did not say a word to my mother. I didn't have to. She can read me. By the time I left she was looking a little apprehensive. I didn't take or return her calls for about a month. I finally did because I knew she would show up with the police or a shrink or a group of friends to do an "intervention" if I didn't. Because, of course, if she couldn't reach me, or wasn't talking to me, I must be in some sort of crisis. I wouldn't be functioning without her. I figured she'd be smart enough to leave well enough alone, and not bring up the party. Nope.

I didn't rant. I simply said, "Never, ever, do that again. If you ever do, I'll be out the door in 10 seconds flat instead of covering for you. That's all I've got to say about it, I don't want to hear what you have to say about it, and if you want this conversation to continue, you will move on. Now."

She did.

I am happy to say that she has gained some insight over the years. She still inundates me with all of her friends personal details, and she still talks too much about me. I still don't share many things with her because of that. She has stopped trying to force me to be someone I'm not, though, and accepts that I need my space.