I Am the ‘Crazy Ex-Girlfriend’ the Men in Your Life Talk About, And I Have a Few Things to Say… [View all]

I Am the ‘Crazy Ex-Girlfriend’ the Men in Your Life Talk About, And I Have a Few Things to Say…

https://thatpeskyfeminist.wordpress.com/2015/02/18/i-am-the-crazy-ex-girlfriend-the-men-in-your-life-talk-about-and-i-have-a-few-things-to-say/

. . . I used to lap it up when my partners would regale me with stories about how awful their exes were. Of course, I came out of those tales full of sympathy and respect, as well as a burgeoning sense of pride that I wasn’t like those other girls. I was nice, normal, sane; I’d never hurt him like they did.

Well, that’s all fine until you realise that upsetting a lot of men often doesn’t even involve intention. Suddenly it was apparent that just being upset at things he had done that had hurt me was enough to anger him. Suddenly crying was infuriating, discomfort was unacceptable, and don’t you dare say no during sex. And it turns out that when your mental health deteriorates rapidly from the poor treatment and you’re rendered suspicious, anxious and unable to trust, well, that’s the scrapheap for you.

Thus went my descent into crazy ex girlfriend territory. I have little doubt that the men I have dated describe me to others as such; hell, they described me as such while we were dating, as well as their exes. I let them, because I was desperate to prove to them that they were wrong. The lines clearly blurred too much between me being the Normal Sane Girl and the Psycho Bitch and eventually it became impossible for them to do anything but chuck me. And that’s fine. Everyone is entitled to end a relationship for any reason they like. But let’s get a few things straight, shall we?

<snip>

Of course, you should be questioning any person who uses mental health slurs like ‘psycho’ and ‘crazy’ anyway (please), but I find there is something borderline abusive about its application in relationships especially in an existing unequal power dynamic like that between men and women. It is used as a tool to stem dissent in criticism in relationships, as well as harm potentially vulnerable individuals. Let’s cut it out.