Elder-caregivers

Take a breath before you speak. That was one of the best pieces of advice someone gave me about dealing with my mother during the time I was caring for her. I had also had a very difficult relationship with her growing up, and so much of what she'd say in recent years triggered strong emotions or made me seriously question my own recollection of my childhood. It was so easy to react and speak without thinking, and the ensuing arguments never turned out well. But the more I learned to just listen and let her words percolate a little, the more I realized that she was often speaking out of fear and seeking assurance that I still loved her and -- seriously -- wouldn't abandon her. That was a genuine fear, I later found out.

In any case, that advice was given to me by someone who had also been in this situation. Unfortunately, I didn't seek out as much peer-support as I should have back then. Were I to again care for my mother, I would absolutely join a support group. I found this forum too late, but for the short overlap with my mother being with me, it was very helpful. Sometimes there's great advice, and sometimes there are just caring shoulders to cry on. Either way, always be willing to ask for help from others. It'll save your sanity.

Good luck! And be proud of yourself for being a kind and loving daughter. Good luck with the menopause, too. I'm there now and -- bleh.