I am so happy that I, and so many other women are able to [View all]

tell our truths about being abused, molested, attacked, raped, and otherwise sexually assaulted.

It truly is a huge step forward in our society that we can actually come forward and tell our stories and be recognized for the pain and torment that we've suffered in silence for so many years.

But (and this is a HUGE but!) I want to make two additional points to men who read these stories, because I think a few crucial points about these stories often gets lost, because the patriarchy is STILL protecting itself in various insidious ways.

1. If you are a man and think you do not know any of these women you are WRONG! Because of the shaming and blaming of women for their attacks, the vast majority of sex crimes STILL go unreported. Not to mention how many were never reported in previous generations. You know rape victims. You know assault victims. Do not kid yourself that it is not true. My dad STILL TO THIS DAY does not know his wife, my mother, was raped as a college student. My sister and I keep this secret by our mother's request. These crimes happened and are happening to your mothers, wives, daughters. Don't think that you know everything. You don't.

2. STOP BLAMING WOMEN FOR BEING ASSAULTED! You might think you don't, but I'll give an example that happened here on DU: On another thread where we talked about being sexually assaulted by men close to us (friends, relatives, boyfriends), I related how a co-worker tried to rape me at a party. Keep in mind that my co-worker story isn't nearly as horrifying as some of the other stories on the thread that discussed rapes by brothers, fathers, uncles, grandfathers, etc.
A DUer told me that "women should carry guns." Can you please understand how fucked up that is?
It's not that "gee, men shouldn't rape family, friends and co-workers!" No, it was, I should buy a gun, spend hours training with it, carry it with me at all times, even places where I should be "safe," and be prepared to shoot and possibly kill a family member, friend, co-worker, and deal with all the legal and emotional fallout that would ensue.

MEN!!! YES YOU WITH THE Y CHROMOSOME! You need to do better! YOU!! NEED!! TO!!! DO!! BETTER!!


On edit: The DU thread I'm referencing was quite some time ago, I doubt it's searchable.