How Do You Coach/Counsel Young Offspring in the Face of Athletic Team Non-selection? [View all]

My wonderful first grandchild failed to get selected for the 7th-grade volleyball team. I have only heard second-hand reports so far, but will be in attendance at her final pre-playoffs YMCA match tomorrow. She is one in a long line of perfectionists, and I suspect she sees this as a personal failure.

Probably goaded by slightly sadistic classmates, I ran for office my Junior year in HS. A nerdy, teacher-oriented bookworm, I lusted after the same cheerleaders as everyone else, and envied the jocks, but I was pretty well content with my niche, which included being a certified Mountaineer. Of course, this was politics, something I knew little or nothing of, and lo-and-behold, two full-blown jocks (both with 4.0, having never veered anywhere close to a challenging or AP class) took the top seats.

So I offer that up as context. It's highly amusing now. What was I thinking?

But to the matter at hand. My initial temptation to offer that up as a life-experience to my dear one seems foolish, self-serving, and irrelevant.

I'm thinking more along the lines of short and sweet. "I'm so proud of you. Trying out with 45 other girls for a team of 12 or so is not easy. In no way is your non-selection a 'failure' on your part. Of course it hurts. I cried, too. But try not to beat yourself up over this - you are a fabulous person."