Stuck with MAGA relatives around the table today? Gaslight them by pretending you’re a convert to their movement! Just slip these surefire talking points into the conversation:

1. I’m more grateful for this Thanksgiving meal than last year’s because it cost so much more.

2. I agree with RFK Jr.—polio’s not so bad.

3. Pete Hegseth has made me feel so much better about my drinking.

4. I’m grateful to live in a country where if you’ve committed violent crimes and gone to prison you can still get a job working for ICE.

5. After we’re done eating, let’s tear down this house and build a ballroom.

6. Thank God Trump is deporting all those undocumented workers! If I want fruit and vegetables I’ll just pick them myself.

7. Say what you will about Trump, he’s a loyal friend—look at how many times Epstein mentioned him in his emails.