The DU Lounge

You should have a diary or journey. I keep a text file on my laptop called 'What I'd really like to say'. I have some vulnerable people in my life, and while they are outside of my boundaries, I wouldn't add to their pain.

There is a book titled 'Necessary Losses' by Judith Viorst. The book helped me understand the rise and fall of friendships. Another book, one that actually changed my life was 'Adult Children of Alcoholics' by Janet Woititz. I actually bought copies and passed them out.

I've come a long way from where I was. I was never popular, but if people take the time to know me, they like me. I've always had a sense of purpose and acted on it, even if it was thankless. But like you, like every person who understood and used their power, I am the one who is there. I recently realized that if someone shares their angst with me, I was meant to be there for them. Back in the 80s, I read a letter to the editor. The letter was a tribute to a person who died, a friend of the writer. The letter described a Jewish myth that in the world, there are 13 good people and when someone needs a good person, they are there. The writer said their dear friend had been one of the 13. I liked the idea so much that I decided to be one of the 13 people. At some point, I shared the myth with my nephew. He moved away and came back a few years ago to visit. He said he liked the story, too, and tried to be one of the 13. Lucky, you might be burdened by the truth, but you are one of the 13. It isn't a good or bad thing, and not everyone will understand the undeniable truth of who you are and what you can do. Maybe after you read this, you'll use some of your strength to nurture yourself. Is any of this easy? No. Is it worthwhile? Yes. Because at the end of the day, you know who and what you are and you can look at yourself in the mirror.

My best friend passed away last Oct. after a lifelong battle with chronic health problems. She was everything to me and I don't know if I'll come to terms with her untimely, unfair death. But she had such a terrific outlook, even as challenging as it was for her to live the kind of life she wanted. No matter the size of the task, if she had trouble getting it done, she'd say, "The universe said no." Or if it happened, she'd say, "The universe said yes." I've adopted that outlook, and it seems to help to have less pressure on my own self to get something done. Jan is already part of the huge crowd of people I talk to, even if they are somewhere else. I look forward to joining them when I'm supposed to, but in the meantime, I love the people who are on this side of the door.

Even if you don't think talk therapy helps you, you might try again. Sometimes, it takes several tries to find someone who understands you to help you get the insight you seek. The same with meds, even short-term choices. There is always a new one and maybe there is a anti-depressant that'll will dull the edges until you can step away from the abyss.

In the meantime, be nice to yourself. We are here for you and you can count on us to appreciate you, maybe give the inner Lucky some healing.