The DU Lounge

We hosted an exchange student from Sweden in 2010-11. One of her local friends was getting married and asked her to be a bridesmaid for her wedding in May this year. The friend had a destination shower in another state. I didn't go to the wedding, but I dropped our former student and her sister off at the venue, a barn with a house to rent for the wedding party.

One of our distant relatives got married locally in June. The couple opted to be married in their aunt and uncle's back meadow, and had a reception in the Shriner's' Hall. I saw the couple on Mother's Day. The couple was telling us about the cost of the different venues around the area. The barn venue for the wedding in May was $15,000.00. Oh my! I'm glad my kids got married many years ago.

My husband and I got married in 1971. His brother and wife were our witnesses. We got married in the minister's living room, and his wife took a few pictures of us. We paid the minister $10.00 I paid $5 for my 'hippy dress' and we had plain brass rings. I think were were married 35 years before we got gold bands. My Mom made some fried chicken and a 2 layer cake for us, that we ate at her house. We were married almost 45 years when he passed away.

Our older daughter and her husband got married in 1992. We paid for most of the wedding, but she paid $200 extra to get the dress she wanted. I think we had about 35 guests, with a buffet reception in a rent-free building. I think that wedding was about $1200.00. They are going on 33 years.

Our younger daughter and her husband got married in 2008. They had lived together for almost 10 years, and were both established in their careers. We gave her the same amount of money to spend on her wedding that we gave our older daughter and they paid for the rest. They had a destination wedding at The Angel Oak near Charleston, with 25 people, including the wedding party. It was small because the park allows a max of 25 people by the tree. One thing I loved was that my sister had a 78 record of my Mom singing "O Promise Me" that her parents recorded on a machine they bought used in the late 30s. Our daughter got it transferred to cassette, and even though my Mom passed away before the wedding, she sang for them. I had never heard the recording, and I'm glad we played it on the drive to Charleston, because it was overwhelmingly sad and beautiful. Our daughter and her husband had a big reception a month later, in a local venue. They rented a giant tent that they put up beside the main building. I don't know how much the whole wedding cost, but I'm pretty sure it was a lot. It was all really lovely and thoughtfully arranged, without a wedding planner. I'm sure that if they were getting married now, the cost would be around $75-100K. They are going on 18 years.

I'm romantic enough to say, do what makes you happy, practical enough to think about what is affordable. Based on your description, I'd say if the groom is having so much say in location and guest list, that he should be willing to help pay for what he wants. In these times, it is old fashioned to think the parents of the bride should pay for the whole thing.